A Baby on Her Christmas List by Louisa George Read Free Book Online Page B

in the sand and stepped towards him. ‘So just explain to me one thing: what are you so afraid of?’
    ‘I’m not afraid of anything.’ And that was the biggest lie he’d ever told. He was afraid of the responsibility of another baby’s life, of not being able to protect it from harm. Of loving too much. Of dealing with the utter heartbreak if something went wrong, because he didn’t think he could live through that again. His heart raced as blood drained from his head, from his face. ‘Nothing.’
    ‘I watched you, Liam...that day in Resus, when your whole world crumbled at the sight of a sick baby. I know you are carrying some terrible burden and, through knowing you for ten years, I think it has something to do with your family. Your sister Lauren?’
    He railed around, wishing he didn’t know her so well, wishing she couldn’t see through the barriers he’d erected. ‘It has got nothing to do with anyone.’
    ‘If you choose to let whatever happened colour everything you do for the rest of your life then I can’t help you. And I want to, I really do. But I can’t bear that every time I mention my baby
—our
baby
—
you flinch. So I’m going to do this my own way. I’m sorry if that doesn’t work for you. Just go off to the South Sudan and do your precious job.’
    ‘What?’ His heart thumped harder, fast and furious. ‘Is this about my job now as well? You don’t like it that I’m going to be leaving all the time, is that it?’
    ‘It’s about everything, Liam. About your attitude, about your refusal to admit what’s bothering you, the damned contract that means you will willingly let our friendship irrevocably change and allow a baby to be fatherless, and, yes, it’s about your job. It’s dangerous, and scary for those of us left behind.’
    He shoved his hands in his pockets. He could barely look at her. By donating his...by delivering the goods, he’d done what he’d thought was the right thing
—
he
had
done the right thing
—
but the fallout kept coming. ‘That job keeps me sane.’
    ‘And drives me mad with worry. But I don’t know why we’re even bothering talking about this. You’ve got your contract, you can go off unhindered by any kind of sense of responsibility.’
    Responsibility? That was the one single thing that drove him to do what he did. Every damned day.
    She whirled around and stalked away, but paused, momentarily to turn back. Scraping her hair back from her face, she glared at him, her body language so at odds with her words. ‘Stay safe.’

CHAPTER FOUR
    Four months ago...
    ‘O NCE THE PAIN relief kicks in you can take him to X-Ray. Let’s see exactly how far up the little tyke stuffed the ball bearing, shall we? Depending on where it is, he might need a sedative for us to get it out. But we need to know more before we do anything else.’ Through the fog of his sleep-deprived brain Liam offered the concerned mum a smile. Just a little shut-eye between his plane hitting the tarmac and coming into work would have been nice. Still, boys would be boys, and stuffing things up nostrils was par for the course for a four-year-old.
    Hopeful images of a little boy who looked a lot like him flashed through his head. He batted them away. He’d call Georgie and talk to her
later
, explain his plan, what he wanted...once he’d worked out exactly what it was he was going to say. Theoretically it made sense to have some contact with his baby. He’d be responsible for finances and guidance, provide things. No emotional involvement. No day-to-day stuff—he didn’t want to tread on Georgie’s toes. But enough that his child would be able to identify him as his father. He was responsible, for God’s sake.
    All very good in theory, but in practice he had no idea.
    Maybe this was just another of his ludicrous plans that would be fraught with endless fallout. But somehow he did not like the idea of being a dad and not having at least some contact with the child.
    The