A DEATH TO DIE FOR by Geoffrey Wilding Read Free Book Online

there was the rustling of someone trying to find the gap in the curtain and then Helen appeared in my world again with Jim at her side, although Helen found the strength to smile I could instantly see from Jim’s expression that the leap in thought process from Dad who was ill to Dad who was dying had taken a lot out of him, his eyes were puffy and ringed in red.
     
    Jim came and sat on the bed next to me, not sure what to say or do, Helen carefully worked her way around the stand and drip feed and sat in the chair, she gently took hold of my left hand which had the cannula in it and I put my right arm around Jim’s shoulders, he said the phrase that I would hear many times, “I don’t know what to say”, how could anyone under such circumstances, then he said “I love you Dad” and with that we all dissolved into tears.
     
    Helen managed to grab a handful of tissues from the box on the over bed table and hand them around and as we all blew our noses in unison, the strangest thing happened, we started to chuckle through the tears in the way that families do, I again put my arm around Jim and pulled him tight and said “I love you too son” while trying to squeeze Helen’s hand at the same time with my weak left arm.
     
    Although the mood had picked up a bit, the weight of the situation soon bore down on us again and the smiles quickly faded, Jim asked how was I feeling, I managed to wheeze to him that it wasn’t too bad at the moment apart from not being able to speak, the frequent coughing fits and not being able to use my left arm properly.
     
    However inside myself I actually felt that the release of tension had lifted the black fog which had enveloped me for the past hour, Helen unpacked some more bits that she thought that I might need, some underwear, a pair of lightweight loose walking trousers, my slippers and a couple of sport shirts and I asked Jim if he would pull back the curtains.
     
    Helen said that she needed to go to see her office manager to let her know what was happening so that they knew she would not be coming in to work for the foreseeable future.
     
    Not long afterwards Andy arrived at the door of the ward having made very good time, he paused to register where I was and then walked quickly towards me, Jim helped to me to stand and making sure he did not catch the drip feed Andy embraced me, I managed to raise my right arm and hold him tightly and we patted each others backs in the way that men do, he used that phrase again and as we pulled apart, we both had tears welling up in our eyes he said that he had been in touch with Helen on his mobile while driving up and knew roughly what the situation was and what could he do to help.
     
    Andy was stood in front of me with Jim stood just behind him, I said to Andy as best I could that if what I have been told was true then things would quickly be out of my hands as I would be on serious pain killing drugs and wouldn’t know much about what was going on, I told him that I loved Helen dearly and wanted to be with her and I was prepared to undergo some treatment if it would give me more time with her and Jim but I told him that the most important thing for me was that I should die with what ever dignity could be afforded to me and I asked him to solemnly promise that he would help me to do this.
     
    Without a pause for thought Andy said that he would do whatever he could to uphold my wish and with that I looked over his shoulder, Jim had heard what I had said and was surveying the scene in front of him intently, I caught his eyes with mine, raised my eyebrows and nodded to him to see if he had taken in the meaning behind my words, with tears in his eyes he nodded back to me which said to me that he understood.
     
    Helen came back to the ward and we all stood and looked at the lop sided bed, Andy and Jim set about it with some gusto no doubt venting some of their pent up emotional energy and after a couple of strong tugs and a few kicks