A History of the Wife by Marilyn Yalom Read Free Book Online

life in classical Athens was ordered according to a set of pre- scribed conventions for adults of both genders. Marriage seems to have been largely a matter of property arrangements—financial deals, with little regard for the sentiments of the bride and groom. A family with a marriageable son would look for a daughter-in-law with a sufficient dowry that could be used to support the young couple. While this was especially true of upper- and middle-class families, even lower-class unions, those of shopkeepers and fishermen, were concerned with property of one kind or another.
    Another concern was citizenship. In fifth-century Athens, citizen- ship was hereditary, but only if both parents were Athenians and of the citizen class. As of 451–450 B . C . E . under laws instituted by Pericles, male citizens had to marry females whose parents had been citizens, if they wanted their children to have the same coveted status. 15
    While such facts concerning the “public” nature of marriage are not difficult to find, it is much more difficult to find out anything about pri- vate sentiments. What did a young girl of fourteen of fifteen—the tradi- tional age for marriage in classical Greece—feel when informed that her marriage was imminent? The prospective groom would have discussed the matter with her father, but the girl herself was probably never con- sulted, and probably had little, if any, contact with her future husband. There is reason to believe that marriage was often “a traumatic affair for the bride.” 16 At a still tender age, she was obliged to leave her own oikos (household) and enter into the oikos of her husband, where her treat- ment would depend upon the kindness, or ill will, of her husband and
    his mother. A classic Greek lament recognizing the pain of separation puts these words into the mouth of the bride leaving her family of ori- gin:

    Everyone is driving me away. everyone is telling me to leave.
    . . . .
    I am leaving with tears and with a heavy heart. 17

    The marriage betrothal (the eggue, or “promise”) would have taken place long before the marriage ceremony. It was essentially an oral contract, made between the man who gave the woman in marriage— usually her father—and the bridegroom. The father would say “I pledge [woman’s name] for the purpose of producing legitimate chil- dren.” The groom replied: “I accept.” The bride was not present. Betrothal was, in and of itself, a binding commitment with both legal and financial penalties if the marriage was not concluded. This is a far cry from the lack of ceremony today when lovers move in with one another without asking their parents, and with little fear of reprisal if they separate.
    Marriage for a Greek man and for a Greek woman was the defining fact of their lives. For both of them, it was a rite of passage marking the transition from childhood into adulthood. The marriage ceremony was usually celebrated in winter and lasted for two or three days. On the first day, the father of the bride made offerings to the gods of marriage, Zeus and Hera. The bride sacrificed her toys to Artemis, who was the goddess of chastity and childbirth as well as nature and the hunt. On the second day, there was a wedding feast at the bride’s home. The bride, wearing a veil, was then transported in a cart or carriage by her husband and his best friend to her husband’s home, where she would live. A crowd of people preceded them singing the wedding chant (called the Hymen ) and lighting the way with candles or torches.
    The wedding procession was a very old custom, as can be inferred from the description of such a scene on the shield of Achilles in The Iliad .

    . . . under glowing torches they brought forth the brides
    from the women’s chambers, marching through the streets while choir on choir the wedding song rose high
    and the young men came dancing, whirling round in rings
    and among them the flutes and harps kept up their stirring call— women