A Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers Read Free Book Online Page B

love for the sheep that would one day belong to him. The boy stood by while wolves ripped open the belly of a defenseless ewe, then ran the predators off to become one himself. Er took pleasure in delivering the deathblow to a prized ram. Then he roasted and ate the meat!
    Sometimes Judah looked at his boys and saw everything he’d worked to build going bad. He saw Simeon and Levi. He saw himself.
    And he saw Joseph being led away in the shimmering heat of the desert sun.
    Judah had thought he could run away. He thought he could shrug off the responsibility.
    Sometimes he’d think back to the early days with Canaanite companions. His Adullamite friend Hirah had had all the answers. “Eat, my brother; drink; enjoy life to the fullest! Where passion burns, blow on the flames.”
    And Judah had burned. He’d craved corruption, hoping forgetfulness would come. Drink enough, and the mind clouds. Sleep with brazen temple prostitutes, and your senses melt away your conscience. After giving in to his jealousy and anger against Joseph, why not give in to every other emotion that pulled at him? Why not allow instinct to reign? Why not give lust control? He’d wanted desperately to become hard enough to feel no shame. Maybe then the memory of his young brother would cease to haunt him.
    But nothing obliterated or softened the memory. It haunted him still.
    Often, when he was out alone, staring up at the heavens, he wondered what had happened to Joseph. Were the boy’s bones bleached alongside the road to Egypt, or had he, by some miracle, survived the journey? If so, was he now a slave toiling under the desert sun, without hope or future?
    No matter what Judah did, his life had the stench of ashes. He couldn’t escape the result of his actions. It was too late to find and rescue his brother. Too late to save him from a life worse than death. Too late to undo the sin that poisoned his own life. He’d committed a sin so heinous, so unforgivable, he would go down to Sheol with it blackening his soul. Every time he saw his father, shame filled him. Regret choked him. He couldn’t look into Jacob’s eyes because he saw the unspoken question there: What really happened in Dothan? What did you and your brothers do to my beloved son? Judah, when will you tell me the truth?
    And Judah could feel his brothers’ eyes upon him, waiting, breath held in fear that he would confess.
    Even now, after all the years that had passed, the old anger rose in him. The jealousy burned. He longed to cry out and shake off the mantle of shame. If you knew us so well, Father, why did you send the boy? Why did you give him into our hands when you knew we hated him so much? Were you that blind? And then the pain would return. Joseph hadn’t been Jacob’s favorite simply because he was the son of his father’s favorite wife, Rachel. Joseph had deserved Jacob’s love. The boy had always run to do his father’s bidding, poured himself out to please him, while the rest always pleased themselves.
    As much as Judah wanted to cast away the blame for getting rid of Joseph, it stuck like tar. Sin clung to him, soaked in, sank deep, until he felt his blood ran black with it. He was guilty, and he knew it!
    And now Er’s young wife was asking him about God. Judah didn’t want to talk about God. He didn’t want to think about Him.
    Soon enough, he would face Him.
    * * *
    Judah sent word to Onan and Shelah to bring the flocks home. Then he commanded Bathshua to prepare a feast.
    “What for? It’s not the new moon yet.”
    “I intend to discuss the future with my sons.” He picked up his mantle and walked out into the night. He preferred the darkness and sounds of night creatures to the lamplight and carping sounds of his nagging wife.
    Bathshua followed him outside. “They already know what the future holds! They’ve talked about it many times.”
    “They haven’t talked with me!”
    She put her hands on her hips. “What sort of trouble do you intend to