me!”
I say, “O.K., I won’t bullshit you!” and I didn’t.
He say, “Come on then.”
He took me into my own bedroom and lay me down and … I did. It was alright too. My first time at anything, but nothing but that licking cause I still had pride about myself! And he was Murky Mac! When he left, he said “I’ll be back!”
Well, I got a ride into town soon as I could and bought some little bottles of perfume cause I didn’t see how he could stand it! Next time he came by, I put that perfume everywhere on me I thought I needed it! It musta worked pretty good too, cause he kept coming back after that, even bringing me presents, pretty little things … for women … for a lady … for me. I started thinking of something new todo. Tied ribbons on the hair, braided it sometimes, put jam on it, homemade. He liked lemon pie so I put some of that on it one time and when he left he took the pie off with him too. Well, I was having quite a time then. You know it, Mr. Notebook, cause I sure told it to you!!
Now about that time, a year or two later, Zalina came home again. This time, she came on the bus and brought another baby. It was another beautiful girl child, another beginning for me from Zalina.
Well, Murky Mac came out with the liquor for her, but only went into the bedroom with me! ME! Over Zalina! Some of her teeth were brown and her hair was just pulled back with a rubber band. Her clothes weren’t too good this time … maybe that’s why … But I don’t like to think so! I like to think it was cause he loved me … or somethin.
She was drinking twice as much and looking twice as bad. Zalina left town again, but it didn’t really matter because soon Murky Mac was dead and with him my sex love life was dead. Just dead. But I had a baby—Zalina’s baby—and my life really began again. The baby, Mae B., was sickly a little bit, but I nursed her right on up and today she is a beautiful child, my child, our child, mine and Zalina’s. I don’t give a damn who the daddy is! And Mama don’t care who the daddy of Glory is! That child has given her new life now she has the money from the state and her jobs to take care of a child right! They’re both beautiful wholesome girls!
Oh, my sister, my Zalina, how I hurt for you.
A few years later, Zalina came back. She was sick. I could see it right off! She said the doctor had told her if she drank one more glass of liquor it could kill her! She said she hadn’t had a drink in a whole week and she wanted to rest. How she would lay and stare at her children! Have you ever seen love in somebody’s eyes? I mean just pouring out so you can SEE it?! Well, I have … out of Zalina’s.
Time passes and Zalina got better and got to looking really good! Lots of people have moved to this town andZalina met up with a nice man who came to take her out. He even stop seeing his regular girl. Zalina really liked him and wasn’t too long before they were talking bout getting married. Everybody always loved Zalina. But you know how people can be jealous and ugly and don’t like you cause of their small hurts and minds and memories? Somebody told him about all kinds of things, true and untrue I guess, even about Murky Mac and maybe some things I didn’t even know yet or either, and they made that man change. Zalina waited outside his job and his house so she could sit down with him and straighten things out, but she shouldn’t have done that cause then I could see he really loved himself! She didn’t suit him no more and he wouldn’t tell her why, just married up with his first girl. Zalina went off and got three bottles of liquor and sat down and started drinking, talking bout being “tired.” She would drink and sleep and wake up drinking again. That last bottle sent her to the hospital and that’s where she died three days ago … and today, they buried all that sunshine six feet under the ground … and it hurts me. I hurt all