porn and picked out some pictures of the
hot girls in there with their cheerleading outfits, or track, or
swimming. There was evens some spring break ones in there too.
Right when I am about to blow (I am using a newspaper to load on) I
start saying the girl's name.
It's like these fantasies are coming to a place where
all the frustration and failure comes alive tied in with the
pleasure of feeling that excitement of release of coming all
over.
Trapped right now.
Tanya bled out the nose and the mouth. It had been 24
hours since Darren's attack and something was wrong. She needed
medical care. She called Blake.
“I have one more thing for you,” he said. “Let's get
your checked out right away. I spotted a girl near your home. I
know this girl. She's government. She knows your brother. I think
they work together. I think you know and I know the truth about
Martinez. No one else does. The American is no good to us now. He's
small time. See to it he never returns here again.”
Tanya looked out the back window of her home in the
slums into an empty shabby backyard and saw a man in black sitting
in the corner on a small wooden chair. He had a shrouded mask and
he never moved as he stared up into the window.
“They are everywhere,” she thought. “My only freedom
is my own death.”
Chapter 7—More Porn
Tanya remembered her dear friend like she wanted to.
It took the ultimate power of thought because it wasn't who her
friend really was. People wear masks. Everywhere they go. They are
hidden behind shroud.
She looked down and then opened the shade slightly
with hands. Two bulging eyes surrounded my pitch black stared back
at her a mere foot away.
She fainted to the ground. The only father she knew
understood the nature of fear. How it paralyzes anyone who believes
it's real. Tanya had nowhere to run and no other options
She thought at that moment she died. It didn't feel
painful. It didn't feel peaceful. I didn't feel at all.
…
“I don't know. I don't know what to do.” the tired
Filipina beauty said. “I know not to....”
“Tan, don't say any more. I know what you are feeling
and I know why,” Tanya Carasco's long-time friend said. “You know
what you did was wrong, right?”
“I have done it more than once Mariel,” Tanya
admitted wearily but with no hint of any real regret. “He makes me
feel powerless. He makes me feel amazing.”
“It's those Shades of Grey books. You know that
right? You know they made you want it so much,” Mariel said. “You
are never going to make anything of yourself if you have his baby.
You know that right? He's got no job that pays him much of
anything. Plus there are other girls. There's always been other
girls. Didn't you know that?”
“I am late. I haven't had a period in a while. I feel
funny all the time,” Tanya said. “We never even thought to use a
condom. God Mariel, he makes love so good. It's addicting.”
“You are behaving like an idiot!” Mariel shot back.
“What do you want? You want me to make giggly girl talk with you
like we are in high school. Not going to happen. I don't approve of
this. You are going to end up an unwed mother and he'll skip off.
Worse, you'll keep looking away from better guys hoping your lover
will come around to marrying you. Let me tell you something, even
if it does happen, you'll end up miserable.”
“Mariel, I think you are a false friend, saying all
this,” Tanya said point blank and with no hint of emotion. “I love
him. No one has made me feel this way. THAT is why I had sex with
him and keep having sex with him. He makes me feel amazing. That's
love.”
“So your devoted boyfriend Louie wasn't enough?”
Mariel wondered aloud while shaking her head. “He respected you. He
never pushed for physical sex things. He respected your beliefs. He
was madly devoted to you. We all stuck with our guys like