enthusiastic, bubbly, friendly. Everything that was bottled up inside me just spilled out as soon as I saw her and I couldn’t wait to laugh with someone, talk to them.
Now that I was writing to David, I could talk to him as well. The first phone call was a little awkward since we hadn’t spoken in a long time, but we started with text messages and worked up from there. Soon, I could spend an hour or more on the phone with him and not even realize the time was going by.
“That’s the first time I’ve laughed in a long time,” he said after the first call. We were recovering from different things, but still mending nonetheless.
Sometimes I’d stop and pull over at a gas station or store on my way back and call David. We didn’t always have things to say to each other that were of any importance, but he was laughing more at my stupid jokes and that was a chance from the morose tone he’d had when I’d first gotten back in touch with him. I laughed a lot, too–the most I did all day. It was fun talking to him. I liked him more and more as a person and not just someone from my childhood. I also liked the fact that he was a piece of me and my history and in a time when I wasn’t real sure who I was or where I was going that was comforting.
He knew about the house, how I felt living there. “I’m spooked and afraid,” I told him frankly. “I can’t sleep. I’m thinking of buying some Tylenol PM or something.”
“Have you tried talking to what’s going on?” he asked. “Seeing if you can help it?”
No, I hadn’t, but my mother had suggested the same thing.
“I’m afraid it might actually answer back,” I joked.
The truth was, the fear in me was starting to become a routine, something I counted on having every night. A very big part of me was now afraid it might be me causing what was going on.
The New Staff
W e’re getting some new staff today,” Janet announced with as much excitement as I’d seen her show.
I’d perceived something in the air by the way everyone was running around the downstairs, shuffling papers and cleaning up more than usual. The news lifted my spirits as well, although I felt incredibly tired. What little sleep I was getting I achieved in spurts–a few hours here and there while it was daylight and then a restless tossing and turning at night. The radio helped but if the song became too fast, too loud, or was even something I loved I’d wake up in an instant. I also woke up every time I turned over, snored, or felt any changes in the air currents.
It was getting old.
“How many are coming?” I asked. They’d put me to work filing that morning and I welcomed the chance to do something different. Keeping busy made the day go by much faster.
“Five today,” Tina (I wasn’t sure what she did but I thought she was pretty high up on the totem pole) answered. “And then a few more on Friday. We’re starting to fill up.”
“Are they kitchen workers?” I asked hopefully. I was losing money quickly by the amount I had to eat out. Meals were worked into my salary but since the kitchen wasn’t open yet, I was on my own. Barely earning more than minimum wage, my paycheck didn’t stretch far.
“No,” Janet explained, “these are interns so they’ll be living in the intern cabin down by the pond.”
My heart sank. No food yet. And the intern cabin was pretty far from the farm house–a fifteen minute walk or short car drive. While there would at least be other people on the grounds and I wouldn’t be completely alone anymore, they’d be so far away it would still feel like it. And they’d all be living together which meant they’d probably bond right away. But I was determined not to let that stop me from being friendly and trying to do my best to make a good impression. This was my first real opportunity to make friends and I was going to grab it. (Hopefully, without looking desperate.)
The new staff members rolled in around lunchtime. There were
Learning to Kill: Stories