dark already because his hand
found Alex"s arm. “But it"s good that you feel better. It really
is.”
Everett pulled his hand back. “Now that you can do
everything you"ve always wanted, go off, be famous, don"t
forget about me. Okay?”
Alex hated the dark as he hated the cold. Everett was on
his back, far away from him.
“Forget you?” Alex looked down at the vague shape of
him and then climbed under the covers to hide his missing
voice. That would be like forgetting his arm, or his heart, or
his stomach.
But he always lost words when saying them directly to
Everett, so he stared instead, not certain when Everett could
ever have doubted what he had always thought had been so
obvious.
There was some light coming in from the colored bulbs
hanging in front of the window, and Everett was probably
still studying Alex as Alex"s eyes got used to the shadows.
Everett had done the same thing the night after graduation,
drunk off his ass and lying on a blanket too far from shore to
be seen by the other people out by the lake, complaining
about how he was going to go off to school a virgin and
staring into Alex"s face to see his reaction.
45
A Wealth of Unsaid Words • R. Cooper
He could not have had any idea of how terrifying his
unspoken offer had been to Alex, though Alex remembered
stopping, his heart pounding, his cock already interested in
everything Everett was suggesting. Alex had wanted him so
much, would have blown him, fucked him, right there if he
hadn"t also been sick with the idea that he would lose
Everett when they went off to college, or go crazy on him, or
that his family would throw Alex out for touching their son.
Everett and his family had always said they only wanted Alex
to do the right thing, and that had not meant seducing
young, wasted Everett in the woods, he"d been certain of it.
“I could never,” he murmured at last, not even certain it
was audible.
It didn"t matter that Everett had offered himself before,
kissing practice, sharing stolen pornography and openly
beating off. For the kissing and other things, Alex could have
claimed the innocence of youth if asked, though it would
have been a lie. He"d never been that innocent, and never
about his feelings for Everett.
Everett exhaled noisily and then turned around. He
shifted back, still not quite touching Alex although suddenly
taking up more than his share of space. He grunted,
unhappy, uncomfortable, and after a second"s pause reached
behind him until he found Alex"s hand. He pulled on it until
Alex"s arm was around him and their fingers were laced, and
then he just as abruptly let go. Alex had the choice to either
move back to where he had been, knowing Everett would let
him, or to stay as he was and get comfortable too.
46
A Wealth of Unsaid Words • R. Cooper
His fingers had been sticky, but Everett had been the
thief, breathing life into him and taking that first kiss.
Alex waited, then shifted to surround Everett"s heat and
carefully settle his head on his pillow. He stared at the
outline of Everett"s head and the back of his neck. He
thought about the lake and then Everett"s virginity and
wherever he"d finally lost it. The wound had never stopped
hurting, not in all these years.
“Are you this pushy with your lovers?” The safer word,
“boyfriend,” momentarily escaped him, but at least his tone
was whisper light.
“Not all of them.” Everett breathed into his pillow. It was
impossible to tell if he was joking. Alex swallowed, but
Everett wasn"t done. “I know you needed to see if you really
are okay now, if you can handle things on your own, but I… I
missed you.”
“I"m sor—” He almost said it. “Everett.”
“No, no, I"m proud. I know you never wanted to admit
just how much it scared you.” He went silent, and Alex
closed his eyes, then opened them. Everett had to hear his
heart thundering against his ribs. “How is it, really?”
“Not