All About Me by Joanna Mazurkiewicz Read Free Book Online Page A

right: everyone thinks that I ’ m single again, so the girls won ’ t stop piling in front of me just because my monogamous relationship trial has failed. My head is screwed.
    The past few weeks I spent with India were the happiest in my life, but I have no clue how to make her look at me again with the same warmth and love as before. In the end of the day, I have to stay away from all girls at parties. They are trouble. India needs to see that I ’ m not going back to my old self. Raw emotions will only keep building and I have to set my new plan in motion; otherwise I ’ ll never get her back.
    In the evening, my attempts to relax are going nowhere. Jacob is out. He is probably with Dora and India, while I ’ m with Jhonny, my stoned roommate. Only a couple of weeks ago, the four of us went out, and now Evans has taken my place. This fucks me right off. My internal voice tells me that it ’ s my own fault and if I really want to get her back, I need to deal with the past, possibly with my screwed-up mother. That time after the funeral when we tried to talk, she kept bringing too many bad memories and, as usual, she made me mad. So I didn ’ t give her a chance to explain. Yet again, India was there for me and now I have to start all over again.

    ***

    After my conversation with Jacob, I push myself into a deep, roaring hole and stay there for exactly three weeks without talking or even looking at India. This is supposed to be easy, but after knowing what caused her to turn on me, I feel like I have moved backwards. Every time I look at my face in the mirror, I see Christian. It ’ s like he is shadowing my every movement, laughing all the way back from hell. India is still his and I have no chance for redemption.
    I feel numb going to classes, playing rugby and just living, knowing that I haven ’ t done anything to deserve her. I eat lunch alone, keeping away from the canteen, from her. I ’ m not hiding, but I ’ m trying to make this easier for India. People are talking about me more than they normally would. Guys from the team keep asking me if there is something wrong with me, why I haven ’ t been out lately. Since receiving her letters, I haven ’ t shown up at any party or been with any other girl. I think the only way to get her back is to just start from friendship, show her that I ’ m happy being around without actually wanting anything in return.
    With each passing day I feel emptied of any positive energy. I have been thinking about what ’ s happened to her. In some ways, she has already made me pay for what Christian had done to her; by bullying me. Because of her I was hated by the whole school, had no friends or even a girlfriend. Yeah, I pushed the boat too far, but I was the one that suffered through what is supposed to be the best years of my life in high school.
    The whole university has been inundated with rumours, and I want people to stop talking about me. Being the centre of attention doesn ’ t work anymore. I ’ m keeping my distance and waiting for India ’ s anger to fade before I set my plan into motion. Dora has a big mouth and she won ’ t let me anywhere near India. All my actions have to be calculated because hatred burns in her heart. The truth is ugly and it drives me insane. I realised too late how much I love her.
    Three long weeks feels like three months without India. Jacob is talking to me, refusing to accept the fact that I haven ’ t given up yet. A few times I pick up my phone to call my mother, but in the end I chicken out. She might be the key to all that ’ s gone wrong, but I ’ m too proud to just let go.
    On Thursday night, I ’ m in the living room getting stoned with Jhonny, who looks like he is going to pass out on the sofa next to me. Malcolm is stuffing his face with popcorn, and I can ’ t concentrate much on the screen. My mind constantly works on my ideas of gaining her forgiveness. The words seem useless. I have to show her that my old life