All Falls Down by Ayden K. Morgen Read Free Book Online Page B

calmer, less conflicted.
    "Goodnight, Jared."
    He smiles at me again before making his way down the stairs.
     

     
    The next two days are quiet. The near constant parade of mourners has dwindled, the girls keep themselves locked in their rooms, and I'm left largely on my own. It's surprising to find that I don't mind this, but I don't. I'm still trying to process everything, but the silence is less overwhelming.
    Nights are the hardest, and I ache to sit on the porch and listen to the wind, but I've forced myself to stay inside. I'm not sure why. I think maybe I'm afraid Jared will once again become the cold, confusing man he was before. I've barely seen him in the past two days, but he's been friendly the few times our paths have crossed. The thought of him returning to his former self makes me ache. And I'm sure it's coming sooner or later.
    Eventually, I'll screw up again, anger him. Every part of me shies away from that.
    Worse, guilt pricks at me almost constantly.
    Jared manages to invade my thoughts often, but I can't seem to stop it. I know he's with Lexi, but when his mouth quirks up into a crooked smile when our paths cross, my stomach flutters anyway. I try to convince myself that I'm merely reacting like any other woman would if faced with that killer smile, but part of me doesn't believe it.
    And that, I think, is the biggest reason I've forced myself to stay indoors. I don't like feeling as if I've done something wrong when I haven't.
    " Where the hell is my coat?" Toby demands, stalking out of the bedroom, his jaw clenched. A muscle in his cheek pulses.
    "I sent it to be cleaned." My words are barely a whisper.
    " Why the fuck did you do that?" He crosses his arms and glares at me.
    I want to sink through the floor and disappear beneath the weight of that look – as if I've committed some monstrous fault. All I wanted to do was help.
    " Did I ask you to send it to be cleaned?" he demands when I say nothing.
    I barely shake my head "no".
    " Did you ask if I wanted it cleaned?"
    Again I shake my head "no".
    " Was there any fucking mention of it being sent for cleaning?" His dark eyes flash.
    " No," I whisper, hanging my head. I've set him off again. I can do nothing to please him anymore.
    It's so frustrating.
    " Then it shouldn't fucking be there!" he yells.
    Before I can say anything, he's storming back into the bedroom. The door slams behind him so hard, I jump.
    " Goddammit!" I hear him yell from the other side of the wall.
    A single tear rolls down my cheek.
    " I'm sorry," I whisper, though I'm not sure if I'm apologizing to him… or to me.
    I thrust the memory away with a heavy sigh and swipe at my tears. I'm so tired of crying, but I still do it. I'm not even sure why because I know with absolute certainty that Toby's not worth crying over. I think I've known that for most of the last two years, and yet… I stayed.
    I don't know why, and I hate that. I hate that I was that girl, that I believed him, listened to him, and let him win. I hate that I don't have a reason for any of it. I stopped loving him a long time ago if I ever loved him at all, but I still let it happen. I still stayed and let him treat me like that. That's the real reason I cry, I think.
    I let him turn me into a coward.
    I sigh again and step beneath the spray of the shower. The warm water washes my tears away when I turn my face upward, but the questions aren't so easily scrubbed away.
    Why?
    I want an answer.
     

     
    An hour later, I'm still trying to sort it out, and I've given up on hiding out inside. My thoughts are heavy and I need fresh air. I curl up on the railing again and allow my mind to run away with me. There are so many questions. I don't even know where to begin finding answers.
    "Here."
    I jump and cry out as a small box lands in my lap.
    "Shit," Jared curses when I start to topple backward over the railing.
    He grabs me around the waist and yanks me forward before I can go over. A painful cry bursts from my lips