Almost by Anne Eliot Read Free Book Online Page B

told so easily during dinner. Lies about the internship. Lies the whole family had bought without question.
I waver, imagining me taking them all back—imagining the soft lavender-scented warmth of my mom's hug when I tell her my nightmare's been back for a week. I don't want to piss her off like this, but the alternative means the family goes back to square one.
Good bye progress . Good bye future.
I pull my gaze away from hers. My hands have started to shake and my legs will soon get worse. I have to hurry. The shadowy memories push at me, and demand to play themselves out. There is no stopping them once they've started to surge like this.
...
Lucky. Lucky, lucky girl.
Nothing happened. You're fine. Just fine.
Please. Don't leave me…
“Jess…I—”
“ You go to sleep, Mom,” I shout. Shouting always hides the tremors that take over my voice. “Skeleton's face or not, I can stay up all night. Unless you and Dad are going to pull the plug on that too!”
“Look, I'm sorry I said—”
“God! Just—get out! GET OUT. GET OUT!”
She reels back like I've slapped her and she slams the door.
Relieved, and in survival mode, I pull my legs up so I can place the weight of my thousand pound head on my knees. The remnants of the nightmare fling into me. Razor sharp stones. Strobe lit, indecipherable memories of the words caught in my head.
...
You're a very lucky girl.
Let's go! Dude, nothing happened. Nothing really happened.
Wait. Please. Please, don't leave me here.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…I can't…
Look at her. She's so hot it's almost worth getting caught.
I'm so sorry…
She lied to us.
It's not her fault.
She's fine. She's fine. Nothing happened.
I believed him. He said I was beautiful… It is my fault.
...
As the initial violent spinning lessens, I'm able to count.
Dr. Brodie taught me counting helps find the end. It works.
At 100, I move to my next ritual. I turn my attention to the jellyfish nightlight. I count farther and wait for the light to change from a pulsing white blob back into a cute mood lamp with three jellyfish swimming inside.
Like I said. I love this thing. The jellyfish are friends. Sort of. Witnesses, mostly.
Either way, I can't survive this without them.
When I'm able to see the details of their transparent, paper-thin tentacles, I know it's safe for me to move. That's when I stop counting. If I stop too soon, I end up crying like a freak and sometimes I can't stop. It scares my family. Heck, it scares me too.
Tonight, I don't let myself move until I reach number 459.
Not the worst number, but last month I had made it down to the 20's. I thought it was going to count down to zero and finally be over for me.
I believed what everyone else believed. That I was getting better. Guess not.
I reach for a pen and scratch the number into the column of numbers I've carved into the wood on my desk. My history book is still open on the final exam Study Guide. At least the stupid nightmare allowed me six good hours of sleep before surfacing. That's way more than my usual. I'll be feeling good for the first round of finals.
Better, I'll be able to hang around with the family and have breakfast instead of driving off early to nap. We can all sit together and talk about my new job…and how much I really like my new friend. My new friend that is also a guy.
My heart races in a good way as green eyes and a dimple erase all remaining shreds of the nightmare from my mind. I imagine the proud, happy smiles of Mom, Dad, and Kika when I mention that my new friend is really cute. I won't even have to lie about that. It will also kill them when I refuse to tell his name. Not yet.
Oh. What Progress!
Glimmers of success, and the possibilities ahead replace my last jagged heartbeats with an amazing feeling of hope.

Chapter Six
Gray
It's Monday lunch hour. I've been avoiding talking to Jess all day, mostly because I've been telling myself I need more time to think of exactly what I'm going to say to her. Besides, I have