need to do something about this. Oh! Another!”
Shane hopped to his feet and smacked a Finn in the back of the head. “Do the rest later. C’mon.” Together they all rushed off after our great Plum principal, stuffing their yellow hats into their back pockets on the way.
Max trailed them all. “Cyrus. Will you at least listen to me?” She waved her yellow folder. “The process of decay
is
science in action. It’s a key part of forensics, and forensics is hot. Just sign the approval and let me worry about the details. I don’t
have
to put it on the football field….”
They disappeared down the far hallway.
In their wake of silence, I started breathing again. With everyone’s attention on Culwicki, I’d been able to swipe away my tears without anyone noticing.
Anyone but Lucy, that is. After Culwicki and his entourage disappeared, I saw her standing in the cafeteria doorway, her brown polo shirt and hair making her a smudge of chocolate against the ketchup-red wall. Without saying a word, she walked across to me and lightly nudged me to my seat. I almost shoved her hand away. Then I almost hugged her. Then I felt the biggest urge to just blow right past her, dashing down the hall, away from her, away from everybody in the cafeteria, away from this whole lame school. But I couldn’t, because these stupid scrub doughnut legs didn’t have any dash in them. And guys didn’t dash, anyway. So instead I slumped onto my bench and stared at my corn dogs.
Gardo sat down on my other side. He smiled and laid a pile of ketchup packets next to my training corn dogs, trying to act like nothing had happened. That only made me feel even more pathetic.
Are YOU Thuff Enuff, Sherman Thuff?
Not in this lifetime.
Quietly at first, then more loudly, the Plums resumed their interrupted conversations. They looked over at me now and then, whispering to their neighbors. The janitors went back to their bickering and their mustard cleanup, and Gardo launched into some story about being elbowed in the eye when his teammate fainted at practice because he hadn’t eaten in a week and how Gardo wasn’t that stupid, no, he’d stashed a bunch of ketchup packets in his backpack to snack on in emergencies while he cut weight,
blah, blah, blah
…
Me, I just sat there like a loser, staring at my Tots. Lucy silently handed me the ketchup packets, but I just dropped them next to my paper plate. Eventually the bell rang and we all headed off to class, ending one more agonizing, demoralizing lunchtime for the underclassmen of Del Heiny Junior High #13, the school where boys would be boys, losers would be losers, and ninth graders had all the power, forever and ever, amen.
----
And now, for a special message from the company that cares…
Thuffie Tots
, ™
yummy tots
Craving taters? We got lots!
Classic Thuffs
™ …
Pepper Thuffs
™ …
Wedgie Thuffs
™ …
Frenchie Thuffs
™ …
Bake them, dip them, eat them hot.
™
Bring me more MORE Thuffie Tots!
™
Boys and girls, have you had a hard day at school? A morning of degradation and humiliation at the hands of teachers, bullies, and stick-up-the-rear upperclassman? Then Thuffie Tots ™ are for you. Thuffie Tots ™ are big, bold, and powerful, the perfect staple for school cafeterias everywhere, where no hot food is ever hot, no cold food is ever cold, and all ice cream can be slurped with a straw. Don’t be tempted by other taters, because a French fry’s just a French fry, but a Thuffie Tot ™ is a Meal. ® Available in three shapes, including the classic barrel, Thuffie Tots ™ offer the optimum in ketchup-dunking dining. Try them all and rejuvenate at lunch. Become a new student, a new kid, become a Thuffie Tot ™ eater!
So the next time you’re thinking taters, ask yourself this: Are YOU Thuff Enuff? ®
A portion of all proceeds go to the Del Heiny Ketchup Company Cafeteria Betterment Program, sponsored by Del Heiny Ketchup Company, licensed and wholly
Shane hopped to his feet and smacked a Finn in the back of the head. “Do the rest later. C’mon.” Together they all rushed off after our great Plum principal, stuffing their yellow hats into their back pockets on the way.
Max trailed them all. “Cyrus. Will you at least listen to me?” She waved her yellow folder. “The process of decay
is
science in action. It’s a key part of forensics, and forensics is hot. Just sign the approval and let me worry about the details. I don’t
have
to put it on the football field….”
They disappeared down the far hallway.
In their wake of silence, I started breathing again. With everyone’s attention on Culwicki, I’d been able to swipe away my tears without anyone noticing.
Anyone but Lucy, that is. After Culwicki and his entourage disappeared, I saw her standing in the cafeteria doorway, her brown polo shirt and hair making her a smudge of chocolate against the ketchup-red wall. Without saying a word, she walked across to me and lightly nudged me to my seat. I almost shoved her hand away. Then I almost hugged her. Then I felt the biggest urge to just blow right past her, dashing down the hall, away from her, away from everybody in the cafeteria, away from this whole lame school. But I couldn’t, because these stupid scrub doughnut legs didn’t have any dash in them. And guys didn’t dash, anyway. So instead I slumped onto my bench and stared at my corn dogs.
Gardo sat down on my other side. He smiled and laid a pile of ketchup packets next to my training corn dogs, trying to act like nothing had happened. That only made me feel even more pathetic.
Are YOU Thuff Enuff, Sherman Thuff?
Not in this lifetime.
Quietly at first, then more loudly, the Plums resumed their interrupted conversations. They looked over at me now and then, whispering to their neighbors. The janitors went back to their bickering and their mustard cleanup, and Gardo launched into some story about being elbowed in the eye when his teammate fainted at practice because he hadn’t eaten in a week and how Gardo wasn’t that stupid, no, he’d stashed a bunch of ketchup packets in his backpack to snack on in emergencies while he cut weight,
blah, blah, blah
…
Me, I just sat there like a loser, staring at my Tots. Lucy silently handed me the ketchup packets, but I just dropped them next to my paper plate. Eventually the bell rang and we all headed off to class, ending one more agonizing, demoralizing lunchtime for the underclassmen of Del Heiny Junior High #13, the school where boys would be boys, losers would be losers, and ninth graders had all the power, forever and ever, amen.
----
And now, for a special message from the company that cares…
Thuffie Tots
, ™
yummy tots
Craving taters? We got lots!
Classic Thuffs
™ …
Pepper Thuffs
™ …
Wedgie Thuffs
™ …
Frenchie Thuffs
™ …
Bake them, dip them, eat them hot.
™
Bring me more MORE Thuffie Tots!
™
Boys and girls, have you had a hard day at school? A morning of degradation and humiliation at the hands of teachers, bullies, and stick-up-the-rear upperclassman? Then Thuffie Tots ™ are for you. Thuffie Tots ™ are big, bold, and powerful, the perfect staple for school cafeterias everywhere, where no hot food is ever hot, no cold food is ever cold, and all ice cream can be slurped with a straw. Don’t be tempted by other taters, because a French fry’s just a French fry, but a Thuffie Tot ™ is a Meal. ® Available in three shapes, including the classic barrel, Thuffie Tots ™ offer the optimum in ketchup-dunking dining. Try them all and rejuvenate at lunch. Become a new student, a new kid, become a Thuffie Tot ™ eater!
So the next time you’re thinking taters, ask yourself this: Are YOU Thuff Enuff? ®
A portion of all proceeds go to the Del Heiny Ketchup Company Cafeteria Betterment Program, sponsored by Del Heiny Ketchup Company, licensed and wholly
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