Although Of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself by David Lipsky Read Free Book Online Page B

agoraphobic kleptomaniacs. At the same time, I think that most people—and stop me if you disagree, because I’m talking to somebody who’s in the trade—somebody who’s writing, has part of their motivation to sort of I think impress themselves and their consciousness on others. There’s an
unbelievable
arrogance about even trying to write something—much less, you know, expecting that someone else will pay money to read it. So that you end up with this, uh … I think exhibitionists who
aren’t
shy end up being performers. End up plying their trade in the direct presence of other people.
    [He looks under the table, where I’m jiggling my leg.] You’re a nervous fellow, aren’t you? [I stop.] And exhibitionists who
are
shy find various other ways to do it. I would imagine that maybe film directors, it’s the same way; although film directors have to deal very closely with a whole team of other people as they’re making a movie, so. Partly though, I’m talkin’ out of my ass, because what I’m talking about is me. And maybe five or six other writers I know real well. You know?
    [He also means, I think, the story he did this year, about David Lynch.]
    There’s that John Updike quote: “Shyness, and a savage desire to hold another soul in thrall …”
    But there’s also, the shyness feeds into some of the stuff that you need as a fiction writer. Like: Part of the shyness for me is, it’s very easy for me to play this game of, What do
you
want? What will the effect of this be on you? You know? It’s this kind of mental chess. Which in personal intercourse? Makes things very difficult. But in
writing
, when I think a lot of what you’re doing—there are very few innocent sentences in writing. You’ve gotta know not just how it looks and sounds to you. But you’ve gotta be able plausibly to project what an alien consciousness will make of it. So that there’s a kind of split consciousness that I think makes it difficult to deal with people in the real world. For a writer. But that actually comes in handy.
    And one of the reasons why I think when I’m working really hard, that I’m not around people much, isn’t that I don’t have time. It’s just that, it’s more like a machine that you turn on and off. And I, the idea of sitting here and being completely wrapped up in what piece will result, what your impression of me is, how I can manage that, would be so exhausting that I just don’t want to do it. That’s what’s kind of weird—is this process of being interviewed kicks that machine. Except, now I don’t have control over it, right? Now I’ve gotta manage it, and trust that you, that you—when writing the piece—that you are concerned about how it’s gonna come off to the people who are then gonna manage it as well. So the
three
are actually kind of interestingly—there’s writing, there’s innocent interaction with other people, and then there’s this interviewing stuff.
    What I would
love
to do is a profile of one of
you
guys who’s doin’ a profile of me. It would be
way
too pomo and cute, to do. But it would be very interesting. It would be the way for me to get some of the control back. Because if you
wanted
—within the parameters of, you can’t tell outright lies that I’ll then deny to the fact checker. But if you wanted, I mean, you’re gonna be able to shape this essentiallyhow you want. And that to me is
extremely
disturbing. Because
I
want to be able to try and shape and manage the impression of me that’s coming across. And it might be why writers are such shitty interviews.
    Really?
    Or I bet they’re often incredibly upset when the thing comes out. Like Streitfeld thought I would never be his friend after the thing came out in
Details
. [The writer David Streitfeld]
    What’s the profit then?
    I’ll tell you exactly what the profit is. Little, Brown took an enormous chance doing the book. And I’m grateful, and I genuinely like Michael Pietsch, and I want