Am I Normal Yet? by Holly Bourne Read Free Book Online

been. Clever, I suppose. Once. Now I had barely any qualifications to my name, and I’d ruled out almost all A level subjects based on their potential to trigger a relapse.
    A levels I couldn’t do
    Geography – Out of the question. Learning about volcanoes? And earth crust? And ice ages? And all the other geological phenomena I couldn’t control and could kill us all dead? Are you kidding?
    Biology – Oh, cancer. Let the person with diagnosed Generalised Anxiety Disorder and OCD learn about cancer? Next!
    French/Spanish/German – Why bother learning a language when it’s highly unlikely you’ll ever be well enough to leave your own country? I’d barely left the county… Only that one time for a cousin’s wedding where I completely lost it at the finger buffet and Mum and Dad had to drive us home through the middle of the night…
    Philosophy – Don’t even get me started on what existentialism does to my mind.
    Psychology – We’ve already discussed this.
    And so on and so on and so on, until I took sociology, film studies and English language. Nice and safe. No scary ideas.
    â€œShe’s well clever, aren’t you, Eves?” Lottie asked, disrupting my inner ramblings.
    â€œI’m okay. I guess.” Sarah once said it takes quite a high level of intelligence to dream up every worst-case scenario for every situation. Ever. Like I can…
    Amber mopped up her beans with her stiff triangle of white toast. “So did you guys not stay in touch when you were at different secondary schools?”
    â€œI…”
    Lottie interrupted. “I tried. But after Year Eight, Miss Snooty Knickers here fell off the planet and stopped answering my calls.”
    She said it friendly enough, but a bit of hurt was there.
    â€œI…I… Sorry, Lottie. Secondary school kind of swallowed me up whole…”
    â€œAnd spat you back out again?” Amber finished for me. “That’s what happened to me. I hated school so much. I’m so glad I’m at college. You two are the first people I’ve met in a long time I actually like.”
    We all beamed at each other, though inwardly I felt queasy with guilt…and grease. I hadn’t meant to ditch Lottie. I just…ditched life, and Lottie was part of that. What was I supposed to do? Answer her calls and say “Sorry I can’t come out tonight, I’m writing the sell-by dates of every food item in my house into my special OCD diary”?
    She wouldn’t have understood. Or worse, she would’ve pretended to understand but then got annoyed when her support didn’t magically cure me and buggered off.
    Just like Jane.
    â€œRight, I’m stuffed,” I announced. “And film studies beckons.”
    Amber narrowed her eyes. “Lottie. You said the girl was smart. And she’s off to film studies?”
    â€œHey! I’ll have you know we have to write essays!” I protested.
    â€œYeah, yeah. About what?”
    â€œ Casablanca and stuff?”
    â€œCassawhatta?”
    â€œI’ll pretend you didn’t just say that,” I said.
    We all chucked our money on the garish tablecloth and scraped our chairs back to leave. An autumn chill hit us as we trundled back to college.
    Guy was just leaving as we got to the gates. He was smoking a suspicious-looking roll-up, his hair stuffed into a grey beanie hat.
    â€œEvie,” he said, far too pleased to see me. Definitely a suspicious cigarette. He held out his hand for a high-five. “How was your date in the end?”
    I high-fived him back unenthusiastically. “Not great. He went upstairs and shagged someone else.”
    Guy tried and failed to hide a burst of laughter. “On your first date?”
    â€œHe’s a sex addict,” I explained. “Well, that’s what he told me anyway.”
    This time he didn’t even try to hide his giggles. He bent over, clutching