Amanda's Wedding by Jenny Colgan Read Free Book Online Page A

objections to Fran doing it.
    I put the kettle on. From the other room I could hear Fran’s trained voice, devastatingly polite.
    â€˜So, did you stay in lots of interesting places … cocksucker?’
    â€˜Well, yeah,’ Alex stammered. ‘Yeah, I moved around a bit, saw a few states. Bumming around, mostly.’
    â€˜Really? How unusual … for such a rampant arsehole.’
    â€˜MEL!’ shouted Alex, coming through to the kitchen. ‘How long do I have to put up with this?’
    â€˜As long as it takes … buttcheeks.’
    â€˜Buttcheeks? That’s complimentary, surely?’
    I blushed. ‘Shut up and take in this tea. And try and make it up to Fran.’
    â€˜I didn’t do anything to Fran.’
    â€˜What, you want to get on her bad side? Be nice.’
    He sighed, hung his head, and we carried in the tea.
    â€˜I like knobchop’s new fake accent,’ Fran said to me. ‘Do you remember when he came back from Goa? He talked about his karma all the time and wanted to be a hippie. Gosh, wasn’t it jolly funny! What a wankfox!’ And she laughed a tinkly little Amanda laugh.
    â€˜Fran, give me a break!’ said Alex. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry, goddamnit.’
    â€˜Gimme a break! Ah’m sawry, gawdamnit.’
    â€˜Oh, for God’s sake, stop it!’
    â€˜Stawp it!’
    â€˜OK, OK, OK.’ He got up and made to leave the room.
    Fran wasn’t finished. ‘So what are your plans now, worthless anal wart?’
    He looked at me and then at the floor.
    â€˜To make it up to Melanie and never leave abruptly again and be a good human being and find a good job and become respectable, SUH!’
    Fran nodded slowly, winked at me, and smiled at Alex, who gradually sat down again. Then she launchedinto filling us in on the gossip. It looked like things were going to be OK.
    And they were. Alex and I swanned about London, doing all the things we normally couldn’t be bothered with, like Art and Culture, for example. I cooked us fabulous meals, to which I politely asked Linda. However, she didn’t seem to fancy them. She’d had another big parcel, anyway, and stayed in her room a lot, not really giving me a chance to thank her for doing the washing-up.
    Alex did have some plans. This pop-star bloke was apparently lined up to get him some work here in the record business, so it was all going to be cool and he might even try and get a band together. I nodded supportively … For the moment, I was simply happy to keep playing Hide the Trousers and didn’t really care.
    Eventually, I phoned Amanda back about the party. OK, I was happy, but it didn’t stop me feeling an urge to get a gloat in, given half a chance.
    â€˜Darling, hi. I’ve just got a call on the other line – give me a second.’
    Crap. This meant she must already have heard and had gone into defensive mode, which meant I wouldn’t have the satisfaction of relaying the news.
    â€˜There,’ she said, ‘now what’s all this about Alex? I couldn’t believe it when I heard. Really, Melanie, haven’t you ever thought of playing hard to get?’
    Every time.
    â€˜No, it’s great,’ I said. ‘We’re really … happy to beback together, get everything sorted out, you know. We worked out we wanted to be together.’
    â€˜Oh!’ she squealed. ‘Tell me you’re going to get married too! We could have a joint celebration.’
    She knew damn well I wasn’t.
    â€˜No, of course not. That’s for grown-ups. Which reminds me, we’re coming to your do on Saturday night.’
    â€˜OK … well, Alex will know everyone, I suppose. You know it’s black tie?’
    â€˜Uh huh.’
    â€˜OK, darling. Well, improvise as best you can. Must dash! We’ve got a Teletubby stuck in a lift! Bye, darling!’
    By the following Saturday, I knew for a fact that