America's Galactic Foreign Legion - Book 22: Blue Powder War by Walter Knight Read Free Book Online Page A

Private Knight skimmed the teleprompter screen. “Oh, this is good stuff, but the Legion does not negotiate with terrorists. It’s been American policy since antiquity.”
    “We’re drug dealers,” corrected Kosminski indignantly. “And, we’re Teamsters. According to the CBA, the Legion has to negotiate your release in good faith, or we throw up picket lines all across the DMZ. Commerce as you know it will come to a standstill.”
    “Czerinski won’t negotiate,” cried Knight. “He hates me.”
    “Then I tear out your testicles now!”
    “Let’s roll,” began Private Knight, studying the teleprompter with more enthusiasm. “My name is Private Walter Knight, Hero of the Legion, world-famous science fiction author, and corrupt imperialist pig.” In an aside, he whispered, “That was harsh,” then continued reading aloud. “I have been captured by the Polish Cartel due to Colonel Czerinski’s reckless invasion of the DMZ. To atone for Czerinski’s repeated and well-documented civil rights and warmongering violations against galactic peace, the Cartel demands that Colonel Czerinski be publicly photographed having sex with a camel, and that such film video be disseminated on the Galactic Database. Failure to comply with this reasonable demand will resort in Private Knight’s testicles being ripped from his nut sack.”
    “Very good,” gloated Kosminski. “For your sake, I hope you and Czerinski are able to reconcile your differences.”
    “Not likely.”
    “Too bad, so sad. It sucks to be you.”
     
    * * * * *
     
    General Daly called, alerting me to the Cartel’s demands posted on the Galactic Database. Feeling caught between a rock and a crazy place, I balked, but there was immense pressure from Penumbra Publishing and science fiction readers across the galaxy to save world-famous science fiction author Walter Knight. General Daly was not happy about the election year bad press, and wanted the matter resolved.
    “You’re the one who lost another legionnaire,” fumed General Daly. “I can’t be micro-managing your slice of the DMZ. What’s the big problem? You’ve already had unprotected sex with every vile species on New Colorado. What’s one more?”
    “Camels are nasty creatures, infested with sand mites, and they spit,” I explained.
    “And your point is? Listen here, Czerinski. I expect a good faith rescue effort of Private Knight. There will be no more violations of the Teamsters CBA. Understand?”
    “But Private Knight isn’t even that good a legionnaire. I’ve almost had him shot several times. Forget it. News flash, I’m not having sex with a camel!”
    “Nonsense. Get Hargundu, the Legion camel you had as a pet. That’s an order.”
    “Hargundu is friendly enough, but he’s a male,” I explained reasonably. “I can’t have sex with a male camel. He wouldn’t like it.”
    “I see. Are you sure?”
    “Yes, sir. His kick is lethal. Besides, ever get camel poop in your drawers?”
    “So Hargundu is totally out of the question?”
    “Totally.”
    “Can’t you just do it? Take one for the team?”
    “Sir, must I remind you, America does not negotiate with terrorists? This would set a bad precedent. Today it’s camels, tomorrow it’s goats and cows. It’s a slippery slope I don’t want to go down. Where will it all end? What if next time the Cartel wants a general to screw a camel to secure my release.”
    “I wouldn’t do it, of course, but that’s because I’m the general, and you’re not.”
    “But, sir...”
    “You’d do anything to get my star, wouldn’t you?”
    “Maybe.”
    “I deal with the here and now, not hypotheticals. Do what it takes to get Walter Knight back safe, or else! He’s an American science fiction icon. If you don’t believe it, just ask him!”
     
    * * * * *
     
    I drove to Big Al’s New and Used Camels & Goats One Stop Shopping Center to negotiate buying a nice camel. “I want to buy a young female camel,” I said,