America's Galactic Foreign Legion - Book 22: Blue Powder War by Walter Knight Read Free Book Online Page B

offering a Legion credit card. “Money is no object.”
    Big Al recognized me from recent TV coverage. The big sales spider was not happy. “Money may be no object, but even camel traders have morals,” he replied testily. “I know why you are here. No way, José, can I in good conscience sell you one of my nubile young female camels, knowing your planned abuse. It would not be right, even at premium prices, which I plan to sell at anyway.”
    “Can I just rent a camel?”
    “That’s even more disgusting! This is not some Camelot brothel.”
    “Fine,” I said, annoyed at Big Al’s moralistic haggling tactics. “I’ll pay double.”
    “Not at any price, but how about a comely goat?” asked Big Al, still hoping to salvage goodwill with the Legion. “Angie is sturdy and already broke in.”
    “Does she kick or spit?” I asked, eying Angie speculatively.
    “No, no, Angie is very docile,” assured Big Al. “And see? She has such pretty blue eyes.”
    “I’ll get back with you on Angie. Maybe the terrorists will negotiate on species.”
    “May I suggest we disguise Angie as a baby camel?”
    “That’s just wrong in so many ways.”
    “As a bonus, Angie is guaranteed to be almost sand mite free.”
    “Really?” I asked, my resolve weakening. “Okay, we have a deal. I’ll buy Angie.”
     
    * * * * *
     
    I called Aaron Kosminski on the Terrorist Hotline at Teamsters Headquarters to negotiate the camel-goat issue. He seemed amenable. Goats were not a deal breaker.
    “You are really going to do it?” laughed Kosminski. “I mean, yes, of course you are. Anything to save world-famous science fiction author and icon, Walter Knight. Right?”
    “Stop jerking me around, or you will die slow and painful,” I threatened, losing patience. “What do you really want?”
    “Safe passage off New Colorado,” answered Kosminski bluntly.
    “The galaxy is too small a place for you to be allowed to live.”
    “Exactly, but I have a solution to that. I know you and the spiders guard a time machine for the CIA. I want to travel to 1888 Old Earth London.”
    “Why?”
    “A fresh start,” explained Kosminski. “Haven’t you ever wanted to just get away? The Polish Cartel was just a front for Blue-Claw, anyway. I have it all planned out. With gold saved from blue powder sales, I’ll live like a king in my retirement.”
    “But why Old London?”
    “Family and friends. Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.”
    “You’ll release Knight?”
    “Yes, of course. As soon as I arrive safely, I’ll send a text message releasing your legionnaire.”
    “No goats or camels?”
    “No. I’ll tell you a secret. That camel thing was all Knight’s idea. I don’t think he likes you.”
     
    * * * * *
     
    I sent Aaron Kosminski back to his future, 1888 Whitechapel London. As soon as Kosminski arrived, Private Knight was released. Exhilarated, Kosminski, took a deep breath of the London air, pungent with soot and horse manure. “It’s great to be me!” he exclaimed. However, Kosminski was promptly greeted by Sir Charles Warren of the Metropolitan Police.
    “You are under arrest for unspeakable crimes against the galaxy,” announced Detective Warren. “You will be hung and quartered, if I have anything to say about it.”
    “To hell, you say,” replied Kosminski, reaching for his concealed razor. A constable bashed him on the head from behind with a bludgeon. Kosminski fell to the muddy street, severely concussed. “Damn. I was going to Hell anyway. I just needed vacation time.”
    Kosminski was locked up in an insane asylum, where he died horribly, years later.
     
     
     
     
    Chapter 10
     
    I marched ten thousand crack-spider refugees south from the Battle of the Web. I contemplated marching them continuously to death across the planet, but it turns out spiders can go months without food or water, and never tire. Who knew? I turned the trail of crack-spiders east toward the Scorpion City