An Unexpected MP by Jerry Hayes Read Free Book Online

be a regular at Annie’s and could be found swirled in cigarette smoke with a very large gin and tonic on hand. We would always be greeted with a cheery ‘’allo luveee’. I was one of the Tories who voted for her. And very proud of that, too. Mind you, it was either her or Peter Brooke, to whom humour is not a joke.
    Annie’s was not without its political dramas. Ken Clarke, even when in Cabinet, would pop in for a few pints and a cigar. One night, when things were particularly fraught with Thatcher (in those days, most of the time), one young journo rushed in and announced that he’d just heard that Michael Heseltine had resigned. Actually he hadn’t (yet), but for the first time I saw the normally ebullient Ken turn as white as sheet, mutter ‘oh fuck’, and leave the room. The telltale sign of just how serious Ken thought the situation was that he had left his pint on the bar.
    Unthinkable.
    The Annie’s Bar crowd were fantastic. We often said that we were the very first coalition in modern times as we pretty well agreed how the country should be run. Remember, this included two journo legends, Nigel Nelson and Ian Hernon, who were firmly of the left, as were Norman Hogg (who lost out as Labour Chief Whip by one vote) and deputy shadowLeader of the House John McWilliam. Now put them together with Tony Beaumont-Dark (the only man who could fall asleep standing up with a glass in his hand and not spill a drop) and Barry Porter, both of the right, and you had a very interesting mix.
    Barry’s memorial service was a very grand affair at the MPs’ church, St Margaret’s. John Major, Michael Heseltine and most of the Cabinet were there. It was a glittering occasion. I think Hezza rolled up because Barry was the first Thatcherite to publicly support him for the leadership. But at the service a beyond-the-grave note was read out. ‘Sorry, Michael, but in the end I still voted for the old girl.’ I miss the old devil. Barry, that is.
    Annie’s was also a great link with the past. Lord Bruce of Donington was another regular. An interesting old boy with a dry sense of humour, he was elected in 1945 and was Nye Bevan’s parliamentary private secretary. He knew Churchill, Lloyd George and all the greats of the time. He was a fund of stories. I once asked him how they compared with our modern politicians. He just smiled, took a pull of his pint and uttered words which any politician with pretensions should never forget: ‘All politicians have feet of clay. Most are wankers.’
    Yet, despite his left-wing pedigree, Donald was to the right of Genghis Khan.
    But we did have one silly game we played just to wind up the whips. In those days, when the division bell rang you had eight minutes to get to the lobbies before the doors were locked. Behind Annie’s there was a little-known staircase which was an amazing shortcut. So, when the whips were beginning to panic we would saunter in with twenty secondsto go. And wave to each other as we voted in different ways. And then pop back down for another drink.
    Another great character was Sir Fergus Montgomery, a former PPS to the Lady. His nickname was Dame Fergus because he was rather gay. I once asked him over a glass of wine how he managed to bring some of the biggest stars in show business, like Shirley Bassey, in for dinner.
    â€˜Easy, dear. When I was a young and pretty teacher I once fucked Noël Coward.’
    He was a lovely man.
    Annie’s Bar summed up to me what politics should really be about. That people of goodwill will disagree but can compromise and be pragmatic. That problems are best solved by not looking at them through the prism of party dogma, but with a genuine desire to solve them. And that those who will be seen as your enemies on election day and in the chamber are really some of the finest and most reliable friends you will ever have.

CHAPTER 5
REBELLION
    T he Conservative Party in