An-Ya and Her Diary by Diane René Christian Read Free Book Online Page A

Sweet Pea is missing. I didn’t do it. Really. I have no idea where the stupid kitty is. Wanna thinks I did it, and she yelled in my face to give it back. I could feel Wanna’s spit on my face as her words flew out of her mouth. Ellie won’t stop crying. Daddy is mad at me too.
    I hate them all.
    79
    Dear Penny,
    Sweet Pea is still missing, and Wanna stopped asking me about my feelings. She hasn’t asked me anything about them all day. Not that I would have answered her anyway. But still. She gave up. I knew she would. I knew it all along.
    80
    Dear Penny,
    I feel pain. I have pain in my shoulder and in my back. I am sure that there must be bruises, and I keep waiting for them to show up. There is nothing. No black and no blue. Just the pain inside. I don’t know what is happening to me. The pain is very real, but I didn’t fall down or get hurt. It is not my imagination. When I try to lift my arms up or even as I am writing in you, the pain is there. I want the pain to go away. Go away pain, and stop bothering me. Uh oh. I think I am going to throw up.
    81
    Dear Penny,
    Last night Wanna heard me throwing up. She took me back to bed and rubbed my shoulders. I was so dizzy that I didn’t care what she did. She says I have the flu. I need to stay in bed until it gets better. How is it going to get better? I am hot and cold and my whole body hurts. I don’t trust Wanna to make it better. I need to learn more about medicine so I can fix these things myself.
    82
    Dear Penny,
    Wanna has come to check on me a thousand times. She brings me soup and juice and keeps saying—
    Drink more, An-Ya, you need to drink more, An-Ya, drink .
    She brings me a hot wash cloth when I am cold and a cold wash cloth when I am hot. Wanna wraps me in her white robe, and a few minutes later will take it off and place it next to my body. She keeps doing these things over and over again, because every few minutes, my body changes from sweating to shaking.
    Wanna rubs my head and sings to me. She sings about rainbows and bridges and angels and stars. It reminds me of the Nanny who I loved. The Nanny who sang me lullabies in the orphanage. The language is different, but the sound is the same.
    I am so tired that I can’t see the dancers in my head when Wanna sings.
    Sometimes Ellie comes in and reads me her diary and sometimes she sings too.
    I am starting to feel less pain, but I am so tired.
    83
    Dear Penny,
    Wanna asked me who Abby was. I was so surprised that I didn’t say anything for a long time. It was very strange for Wanna to talk about Abby, to hear her say Abby’s name out loud, and it was even stranger that I wanted to tell Wanna about Abby.
    My temperature was really high last night, and I was burning alive with a fever. I was so hot. In my sickness, my hotness, Wanna said I cried for Abby many times. Wanna said that I cried Abby’s name over and over again. Wanna knew that I needed Abby, but she didn’t know who Abby was to find her and help me get better.
    I don’t remember saying anything about Abby. I only remember burning.
    I told Wanna about Abby, not everything, but parts. Maybe I am still sick. I don’t know why I was able to talk about her. All I know is that Wanna said she will try to find out if Abby is ok. Maybe soon I will know how Abby is doing. I told Wanna that Abby is the only child in the orphanage with grey eyes and white hair. Wanna said that it was lucky that Abby looked different, but did I know if Abby was her Chinese name? No, I said, I don’t remember her Chinese name. Wanna said—
    No worries, An-Ya. I will do my best to find your Abby.
    84
    Dear Penny,
    Wanna found Sweet Pea. Ellie forgot that she was playing hide and seek with Sweet Pea, and she stuck Sweet Pea in the clothes dryer to hide. Wanna found her when she went to wash clothes today.
    Everyone came into my room and said that they were sorry. Ellie cried and said—
    I so sorry, An-Ya. You are good and I am bad.
    Wanna and Daddy said they felt