An-Ya and Her Diary by Diane René Christian Read Free Book Online

with water from a bucket. I take a shower. The water comes out of this metal thing, and it is like standing in the rain. I used to hate it, I was scared of it, but now I like it. I like the feeling of standing in the rain.
    74
    Dear Penny,
    Ellie likes to sit close to me. She sits next to me and tries to rub my arm. Sometimes I let her and sometimes I don’t. It reminds me of Abby when she rubbed the hand of the blind boy.
    The blind boy in the orphanage wouldn’t open his eyes. I don’t know what his eyeballs looked like because I never saw them. The other kids were scared of him, but not Abby. He would stand in a corner and rock back and forth. He spent all day standing there and swaying.
    He would make a strange humming sound and move the fingers on his hands. Sometimes, if he was upset, the humming would get really loud. I would take Abby over to him, but I didn’t get very close. Abby would walk to him and reach up and rub his hands, and then his humming would get quiet again. I don’t know how she thought of it, but it helped him feel better. I wonder if she still does that.
    75
    Dear Penny,
    There are sounds and smells that remind me of the orphanage. I never know when or where to expect them. If I hear those sounds or smell those smells, the faces of the orphanage children come back to me. I forget now what most of the children looked like. It makes me afraid to see their faces in my head. I don’t know why it makes me so afraid.
    76
    Dear Penny,
    My new family gives lots of little kisses. Every time we say hello and goodbye we get a kiss. There are times that we get kisses for no reason. The first time Wanna kissed me for no reason, I was surprised. I asked her what she was doing. Wanna held onto me, and her yellow hair mixed with my black. She told me that in that very minute, her heart was so filled with love that she couldn’t help it. I was not comfortable.
    In the orphanage I received my first kiss that I remember. It was from a boy who I didn’t think knew my name. I knew who he was. He had a large dark red spot that covered half of his face. His hair was black like the night. His eyes were shiny and he was nice to all of the children. I think he was older than me, but we were about the same size.
    One day he was standing across the room holding his purple backpack. He was leaving. He was going to be adopted. I watched him talk to the nannies and say his goodbyes. Then he turned and looked straight at me. I was sitting on the floor next to Abby. I looked at her to see if she knew why he was staring. She was too busy playing with her toes to notice.
    He dropped his purple backpack to the floor and started walking toward me. I didn’t know what to do. I looked around to see if there was somewhere else he was going, but there wasn’t anybody but me. It seems like it took forever for him to walk to the other side of the room. He stared at me and smiled the whole time he was walking.
    Then, there he was, right next to me. I think I said hello. He didn’t say hello back, instead he said goodbye. He said—
    Goodbye An-Ya.
    He said my name, and then he bent down and kissed my check. It felt like my cheek became red like his.
    Everyone in the room laughed. I didn’t laugh. My first kiss and another goodbye all happened at the same time.
    77
    Dear Penny,
    For a long time after I was adopted, I felt sick to my stomach. My body understood rice and noodles, but it didn’t like anything else inside it. I know I told you that I ate a lot of food in China, after I was adopted, and I did. But it made me feel sick. It was so incredible to be able to eat it all, but I think I ate too much.
    After I came here, I stopped eating. I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt awful. Wanna must have been worried because she kept asking me if I was ok. Then, when I wouldn’t answer, she started cooking different food. Her rice and noodles don’t taste the same, but my stomach feels better now.
    78
    Dear Penny,
    Ellie’s kitty