source.”
“Yeah, illegal arms sales. And they did have lots of fancy parties, but I wasn’t
allowed to be there. I was always in my bedroom. Sven hated me, remember? And since
I never went to school, I spent a lot of time on my own, so I never got to practice social
skills and manners.”
“You’ve got better social skills than I’ve ever had, and they drummed good
manners into us at College Grange. You’re very well-mannered.” It was true. Angel
knew how to be around people and not offend them. “I’m always proud of you.”
Angel rubbed his cheek over Kael’s nearer nipple, which told him that his boy
needed reassurance. He always headed for Kael’s nipples when he wanted comfort. “I
love you, Daddy.”
“It’s entirely mutual, sweetheart. Now go to sleep.” Kael kissed Angel’s forehead,
holding him close, allowing the boy to suck gently on his nipple until he knew by
Angel’s steady, even breathing that he was asleep.
The tiredness of earlier had passed, and after a few minutes, Kael eased Angel out
of his arms, tucked the duvet around him warmly, got up, and pulled on his navy blue
dressing gown. He always turned the heat very low at night and didn’t bother to turn it
up as he entered the spacious, open-plan living room/dining room. Coming home late
and going straight to bed, they had not bothered to close the blinds over the wide
Fyn Alexander | Sins of the Father
35
picture window. Kael crossed the room and stood in the darkness looking out at the
River Thames and the lights of the city.
Not often, but every now and then, he remembered being a child and knowing
there was more to life than the grubby council estate where he was raised while his
mum worked as a cleaner at the local launderette and the old peoples’ home. He had
always been proud of his mum, even after he got a scholarship to College Grange,
where all the other boys came from families with servants and summer homes in other
places. Kael had long since lost his heavy Scouse accent, and he had always known he
would have more in life than he was born into.
From the coat cupboard in the hall, he took his diary from the very back of the top
shelf where he always left it these days. In the living room, with only the light of the
city to assist his better than ordinary eyesight, Kael sat on a black leather chair by the
window to write.
I was twelve the first time I asked my mum who my father was. I was home for
the Christmas holidays after my first term at College Grange. All the boys at school
either lived with both parents or they knew who their dad was, even if he lived
somewhere else and was married to another woman. But very few of the kids I knew
from home lived with both parents and, like me, many of them had never seen their
father.
Mum was putting the finishing touches on the artificial tree—gaudy silver tinsel
and purple baubles. I was sitting on the scruffy old couch watching her. I had
decided two years prior that decorating a Christmas tree was “lame” and had refused
to help, but I still loved it when she was finished. I just never admitted it. Mum
couldn’t reach high enough to put the fairy on top. I was so tall by then that she
always asked me, which made me feel big and manly. I set the fairy in place with the
top branch under her frilly paper dress, and then I looked at my mum and asked,
“Who’s my dad?”
“He’s long gone, luv,” she said. “Let’s have a cuppa tea.”
“What’s his name?” I asked her. After seeing all the boys at school with their dads
the day we all arrived, and hearing them talking about them, I really wanted to know.
Mum said, “I’m not sure, Kael.” She went into the kitchen to put the kettle on.
I followed her in. “You must know his name, Mum. Was he your boyfriend?” She
was starting to get upset, but I was just a kid and I wanted what I wanted and that
was to know something about my father.
Fyn Alexander | Sins of