Animal Instincts by Gena Showalter Read Free Book Online

regarded us with expectation. “I want to make one with our top ten requirements for Mr. Right.”
    “That sounds fun,” Mel replied dryly. She clapped her hands with mock excitement.
    “A Mr. Right list has been done by every woman in America and they all say the same thing,” I said, then rattled off the usual handsome, charming, blah, blah, blah. “What we need is a list for Mr. Wrong.”
    Silence.
    “Like how to spot a loser….” Mel nodded, getting into the game. “I love it. Let’s do it!”
    Kera said, “We all know how much you like to make lists, Naomi, so you’re in charge of writing everything down.”
    Getting into the spirit of things myself, I stood, gathered a sheet of paper and a pencil and plopped back down at the table. “Ready.”
    “I know what number one should be,” Kera said. “Unemployed.”
    “That’s so cliché.” Pensive, Mel tapped a finger on her chin. “We have to think creatively.” Pause. Gasp. “Number one should be a man who says we’d look great in our clothes if we’d just lose ten pounds.”
    “Bastard,” I growled. I’d heard the opposite from Richard, but I completely understood the sentiment. You’d look great if you’d just put on some weight, Naomi. Have you ever considered a boob job, Naomi? Your ass bone is killing me, Naomi, maybe you should get off my lap and sit over there. “That’s perfect.”
    “The man I dated before Harry had a lazy eye,” Mel said. She licked her lips, snagging a bagel crumb. “Make that number two. A man with a lazy eye.”
    “There’s nothing wrong with a lazy eye,” I said, meeting her gaze.
    “There is when one eye stares at your boobs and the other at your crotch.”
    “Okay, okay.” Kera uttered a chuckle. “Number three. A man who thinks quality time is a quickie during commercials.”
    I lifted my orange juice in salute. “Hear, hear.”
    “Number four.” Mel folded her arms over her stomach. “A man who tells you he can’t go out in daylight with you because he’s too sensitive to the sunlight, but later you find out he only said that because he’s married with four children and—”
    “Whoa, there. Rein it in,” I said on a laugh. She was growling with the force of her increasing fury. I eased back in my seat and propped the notepad in my lap. “I think lying bastard will cover number four.”
    She drew in a deep breath, then another. More calmly, she said, “With this year’s crop, I think we need to add men who belch and scratch in public. And never shave! I hate the way beard stubble burns my cheeks.”
    “Excellent,” I said, writing in her requirements. But I have to admit, I kind of like the feel of beardstubble. Okay, I really like to feel a man’s stubble. It makes for some delicious friction. Maybe I’d cross that one out when I was alone.
    “What about a man who can’t listen?” Kera glanced around the table, waiting for nods of approval.
    “That works for me,” Mel said. “I once dated a man who fell asleep every time I opened my mouth. Well, unless I was using my mouth to—”
    “We get the picture, and it’s a bit too vivid.” Kera shook her head and rolled her eyes.
    Mel shrugged. “Your loss. What number are we on?”
    My gaze scrolled down the list. “Seven. I’ve got it covered, though. A man who thinks the perfect birthday present is allowing you to put the dishes off for a day.”
    Both women stared over at me with wide eyes. A tinkling laugh escaped from Mel’s lips. How could such an angelic sound come from such a devilish woman? “You’re kidding, right?” she demanded.
    “I wish.”
    “Did Richard the Bastard give you that extra special gem of a gift?”
    “On more than one birthday.”
    “How has that man’s karma not killed him?” Scowling, she pounded her fist on the tabletop, causing glasses to shake and juice to splatter. “In Naomi’s honor, I say we add any man whose name begins with R. ”
    That eliminated Royce, I thought happily. I