Ashes to Ashes by Jenny Han Read Free Book Online Page A

get near each other and we lose our heads.”
    I lean forward in my chair. Now she’s getting to the good stuff. “Did you two have sex that night?”
    â€œNo! No, nothing like that. But it was probably the most intense make-out session of my life.”
    A wistfulness crosses her face for just a second, and then it disappears, and my heart drops. Damn. I’m happy that Lillia’s gotten past what happened to her last summer with those college fucko rapists, enough to have a fun night letting loose with a guy. But it sucks that it happened with someone she can’t actually be with.
    â€œIf Paige hadn’t walked in . . . I’m scared of what could have happened.” Lil closes her eyes and shakes her head. “I mean, we were in Rennie’s kitchen! How could I do something like that?”
    I hold up my hand. “Say no more. I know exactly what this is.”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œMy sophomore year I was hooking up with this dude from the motocross circuit. I’d only ever see him on Pat’s race days. He was a lot older than me. Like, I think he may have been twenty.”
    â€œEww!”
    â€œDon’t eww me! He was hot. But he was also bad news. He definitely had a girlfriend. He might’ve even been married, I don’t know. I knew that if my brother found out, he’d kill me. But, like, I still couldn’t stop, you know? We’d run into each other near the bike trailers, and I’d tell myself not to look at him, and the next thing I’d know, we’d be up againsta chain-link fence, going at it. It was like a gravitational pull.”
    Lillia nods her head vigorously. “That’s exactly how it feels.”
    â€œYou can’t go near Reeve, Lillia. Especially not when it’s just the two of you, alone. The force, it’s too strong. You’ve got to shut it down.”
    â€œShut it down,” Lillia repeats. “Yes.”
    â€œShut it the fuck down, because if you don’t, it’s only going to bring you trouble. Think about Mary, what she’d say if she knew.”
    â€œIt would kill her.” Lil shudders. “So you were able to stop seeing that guy?” she asks hopefully.
    â€œUh, well. I mean, yeah. After he moved to Italy to join this pro racing club.” I wonder what ever happened to that guy. Fuzz? Fez? I can’t remember. Lillia groans. “Lil, we only have, like, four months left of school. And then you’re gone, baby, gone. You can do this.”
    â€œI have to do this,” she corrects. Staring up at my ceiling, she says, “I just hate that Paige thinks badly of me now.”
    â€œDon’t take it personally. Paige loves to stir up shit, you know that. She’s a drama queen. That’s where Rennie got it from. She’s just pissed right now that Ren’s gone, and she wants to take it out on somebody.”
    Lillia nods, but I can tell she’s still bummed out. I get it. I’d probably be bummed out too.
    She hangs around for a while longer. I fill her in on what’sgoing on with Alex and play her a few of the songs that I’m putting on his mix. “Lindy must really trust you,” she says, putting her jacket back on. “He doesn’t play his songs for anyone else. I hope they’re good enough for him to get in.”
    â€œMe too. He was so excited on the phone, like a kid on Christmas.”
    Before Lil leaves, she says, “I almost forgot—I have something for you.” She unzips her purse and holds out a strip of black-and-white photos. They are of me and Rennie, as little girls, from the photo booth in the ice cream parlor. Rennie has her hair in two pigtails, and I’ve got mine long and straight, with bangs cut blunt across my forehead.
    â€œRennie’s old nose,” I say, laughing. “It wasn’t even bad.”
    Lillia looks over my shoulder. “I told her that a hundred times, but