Ask Me Something (The Something Series Book 2) by Aubrey Bondurant Read Free Book Online Page B

saying ‘sex toys’ to anyone. I felt my face heating just
thinking about it.
    She put down her
pen and regarded me thoughtfully. “I’m not here to judge or criticize your
choices. However, if something in your life is impacting your anxiety levels, either
positively or negatively, then it’s important that you tell me.”
    “Okay, here
goes.” I filled her in on some details about the prior night with Brian,
including the text message, Jamie subsequently showing up, and finally him
coming by my place.
    “So did you
two—?” she hedged.
    I shook my head
and smiled at her look of surprise. “To be honest, I would have, but he was
adamant that it be a conscious decision instead of a reaction. Then he started
talking about boundaries.” I replayed some of our conversation with the
exception of him wanting to be dominant. There were some things I’d rather keep
personal.
    I’d never seen
her look quite so amused. She wore a barely contained smile. “Sounds like Brian
knows you and wants to ensure that you’re comfortable before starting
something.”
    “He knows
enough, I suppose.” I didn’t think it was a fair statement to say he really
knew me when he was in the dark about my anxiety, my therapy, or the traumatic
trigger for it all. “I know he’s not purposefully messing with my head, but I’m
all sorts of turned upside-down and can’t make heads or tails of anything.”
    This time she
didn’t bother to hide the smile. “I don’t think he’s messing with your head,
either. If anything, it would appear he wants to ensure you are both very clear
where this would go and what would happen. Those are two things that hold true
in how we’ve done our behavior therapy. You picture the scenario, you imagine
yourself in it, and you prepare yourself mentally. If you had slept together
last night, I believe you’d be anxious right now thinking about what it meant, and
what was going to transpire as a result of doing so. It sounds like he values
your priorities and wants you to be certain.”
    “He does and
part of me has always wanted to, but then I overthink it and start worrying
about what might happen.”
    As she often did
to ensure I didn’t get stuck, she changed subjects. “How is the anxiety at
work? You mentioned the last time you were here that dealing directly with
clients wasn’t easy.”
    “It’s coming
along. There are a lot of happy hours and wining and dining which are all
outside my normal comfort level, but I’m working through the challenges. Wine
helps.”
    I had thought I
was being funny but saw her eyes narrow. “Sasha, you pushing your limits is
good. But I caution you not to bulldoze into things because you feel like you
have to prove something to yourself or, worse, to anyone else. We’ve talked
about this previously, and I’ve been very pleased with your progress. But
remember to respect your disorder at all times. It’s part of your life, and if
you start believing that you no longer have it, then you risk having a panic
attack when you least expect it. You need to be mindful of your triggers.”
    I took a deep
breath. It had been at least a year since I’d had an attack, but one never
forgot the feeling. And she wasn’t wrong about my need to push myself. I was a
glutton for punishment when it came to refusing to accept the control anxiety
could have over me. As a result, though, I sometimes made things worse for
myself by forcing issues before I was ready to deal with them.
    “It’s getting
better, and I’ve learned to control it faster.”
    “I have no doubt
you’re controlling it faster. Look at your position and what you do for a
living. But is your level of anxiety honestly getting better? Because I would
venture as you’ve progressed in your career, it would naturally get higher.”
    “I think anyone
in my situation would have high levels of anxiety about proving themselves.”
    She nodded and
then changed the subject on me again. “I don’t disagree. I