Aunt Penelope's Harem by Chris Tanglen Read Free Book Online

later,
Melanie held up her “3” sign. Nate held up “4.” Carl held up “1.”
    “You were a bit shaky in the final stretch,” Melanie
informed Julian after he got out of the pool. “Next time try to focus more on
balance than momentum, and work on those flailing arms.”
    Ben did an almost perfect headfirst landing, spitting water
high into the air as he surfaced. Melanie and Nate each gave him a “9,” and
Carl gave him an “8.”
    “Very, very impressive,” said Melanie. “I was particularly
taken by the spitting. If you can manage a bit more fluidity when you surface,
you’ll be on your way to a long and prosperous career.”
    Dennis bashed against the side of the slide as he rounded
the final curve, spilling into the water in a barely-conscious heap. Melanie
awarded him a “2” for sympathy, Nate gave him a “1,” and Carl gave him a “10.”
    “You probably shouldn’t do that again,” Melanie told Dennis.
    * * * * *
    Melanie had never been very good at air hockey, and tonight
she absolutely sucked at it. Even with Julian clearly trying to let her win she
was unable to score a single point, excluding the six she accidentally scored
against herself.
    Unwilling to admit defeat, she played against Ben and lost.
Then she played against Nate and lost. Then she played against Keith and lost.
Then she played against Leo and lost. Her right hand was starting to get sore,
which was her excuse when she played against Dennis and lost. She got far too
enthusiastic during her game with Steve, sending a puck nearly flying into his
face, and he withdrew from the competition for safety reasons. She played
against Carl and won. Though he had picked up the puck with his hand and
dropped it into his own goal ten times, Melanie still savored the hard-won
victory.
    * * * * *
    Melanie set down five tiles, forming QUARTZ. “Let’s see,
that’s twenty-four points on a triple word score, so I believe we’re looking at
seventy-two points total. My, my, my, you must feel so alone in the world.”
    She was playing against Carl, Nate, and Julian, and was
absolutely obliterating them. Their Scrabble scores combined didn’t beat hers,
although QUARTZ on the triple word score had a lot to do with that. Their glory
from the air hockey tournament had been short-lived. Melanie ridiculed them
often and with great skill.
    * * * * *
    “Turn it left!”
    “It won’t go left!”
    “Of course it will go left. All you have to do is turn it left!”
    “The joystick is defective.”
    Carl grabbed the joystick out of Melanie’s hand. “It’s not
defective, it’s fine. See, you push the red button to accelerate, the blue
button to brake, and push the joystick in whichever direction you want to turn,
including but not limited to left.”
    “It wasn’t working,” Melanie insisted.
    “Maybe your hand wasn’t working.”
    She threw a handful of popcorn at him. “I beg to differ.”
    Carl gave her back the joystick. “That’s all you have to do.
Push the red button and turn…see, you’re—no, you just ran over somebody. Now
you just ran over somebody else. I guess you’ve just decided to go on a
vehicular homicide spree.”
    “The joystick isn’t working.”
    “Did you know I can catch popcorn in my mouth?”
    * * * * *
    “So, what, you catch two pieces out of twenty and I’m
supposed to be impressed?”
    “You weren’t throwing them right.”
    “I hit you in the freakin’ nose and you still couldn’t catch
it. You’re just making up skills whenever you feel like it.”
    “You try it,” said Carl, flinging a piece of popcorn at her.
Melanie caught it in her mouth. Carl stuck out his lower lip in an exaggerated
pout. “Here, run over some more pedestrians.”
    * * * * *
    “The object is to get Milton Monkey to collect as many bananas
as possible,” Melanie explained. She’d gotten lost for twenty minutes trying to
find her room again to retrieve the handheld video game, and had been forced to
use the