Away Games: Science Fiction Sports Stories by Mike Resnick Read Free Book Online

made their debut this afternoon, beating last year’s Super Bowl winners, the North Dakota Timberwolves, by a league-record score of 76-0. The Timberwolves were a 22-point favorite.
    Coach Rattler Renfro unveiled an all-new offensive line, consisting of five rookies, all free agents who had never played organized football before. They are right tackle Jumbo Smith (8’4”, 603 pounds), right guard Willie “The Whale” McPherson (7’10”, 566 pounds), center Hannibal Cohen (8’3”, 622 pounds), left guard Mountain O’Mara (7’8”, 559 pounds), and the biggest of them all, right tackle Tiny Tackenheim (8’7”, 701 pounds).
    “Hell, I could have run through the holes those guys made,” said Timberwolves coach Rocket Ryan. “I don’t know where Renfro recruited them, but they’re just awesome.”
    After three decades in eclipse, it looks like the Bears are once again the Monsters of the Midway.
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    BEARS WIN FOURTH STRAIGHT, 88-7 October 2, 2037 (AP) “Those guys just ain’t human!” said Montana Buttes’ linebacker Jocko Schmidt from his hospital bed, after his team had suffered an 88-7 mauling at the hands of the Chicago Bears. “That Tackenheim ought to be in a zoo, not on a football field!”
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    NFL INVESTIGATES CHARGES October 24, 2037 (UPI) The National Football League has announced that they are probing into an alleged connection between Nobel Prize winner Dr. Alfredo Rathermann and the Chicago Bears. Rathermann, who won his award for his pioneering work in the animation of dead tissue, was unavailable for comment.
    George Halas VI, owner and general manager of the Bears, who lead their division with a 7-0 record, termed the allegations “ridiculous.”
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    BEARS CLINCH TITLE, LOOK TO SUPER BOWL December 25, 2037 (UPI) The Chicago Bears celebrated Christmas with a 68-3 thrashing of the Mississippi Riverboats, thus becoming the first NFL team this century to conclude its regular-season schedule unbeaten and untied. The Monsters of the Midway looked awesome as the offensive line opened up hole after hole for Chicago’s running backs.
    Coach Rattler Renfro, in his post-game press conference, praised the Riverboats and said that he was looking forward to the playoffs. When questioned about the ongoing investigation of the dealings between the Bears and Dr. Alfredo Rathermann, he simply shrugged and said, “Hey, I’m just a coach. You’ll have to speak to the Commissioner about that.”
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    RATHERMANN ADMITS ALL! December 28, 2037 (UPI) Nobel Prize laureate Alfredo Rathermann held a joint press conference with Roger Jamison, Commissioner of the National Football League, and admitted that the five starting members of the Chicago Bears’ offensive line are actually scientific constructs, created from bits and pieces of other human beings.
    This revelation seemed certain to win another Nobel for Dr. Rathermann, but the more important issue of whether linemen Smith, McPherson, Cohen, O’Mara, and Tackenheim will be allowed to compete in the upcoming NFL playoffs remains undecided at present. Commissioner Jamison promised a ruling before the Bears meet the Las Vegas Gamblers in eleven days.
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    NFL RULES ON “MONSTERS” January 3, 2038 (AP) Commissioner Roger Jamison held a press conference this morning, in which he outlined the NFL’s policy on the Chicago Bears’ offensive line.
    “After extended meetings with our attorneys and the NFL Players Union, we have amended the rules to state that football is a game played by natural-born human beings,” said Commissioner Jamison. “If we were to permit an endless string of Dr. Rathermann’s creations to play in the NFL, the day would soon arrive when not a single natural-born human could make an NFL roster, and while it would certainly make the games more exciting, we question whether the public is ready for such a change at this time.
    “However,” he added, “our attorneys inform us that we have