Basic Training by Kurt Vonnegut Read Free Book Online

they sat, with only their sins and the coffee’s fragrance to contemplate for perhaps ten minutes. Haley examined the back of his hand, which had begun to ache from the ladder’s blow. A long welt crossed the back of it, and the skin was broken in three places along the knuckles.
     
    “I have a theory,” the General began suddenly, “that everybody with any sense has a good idea of how he looks to others. Let’s put it to a test, shall we?” His tone was polite, impersonal, like that of a lecturer, Haley thought. “Hope?”
     
    “Yes?” Her voice was faint.
     
    “You and I are pretty much strangers. You weren’t much more than a baby when I went away to war, so we never did have much time to get to know each other.” He paused to light a cigarette. “You don’t like me because you think I’m a bully, that it’s fun for me to push other people around.”
     
    “Noooo,” objected Hope, tearfully. “I love you, Daddy, really I do.”
     
    “Don’t doubt it. Never did. That’s an entirely different matter.”
     
    Hope started to plead again, but the General cut her short by addressing Haley. “As for you, young man, I don’t think I’m far from the mark when I say that you think I’m pretty funny, even though you are scared to death of me. I’m a joke, an old fool who can’t forget for a minute that he was a General. Maybe it was your father who taught you that.”
     
    “Hardly, sir,” said Haley, embarrassed, but at a loss as to how he might argue the point.
     
    “Good — the cards are on the table,” said the General. “In case you haven’t figured out for yourselves just what I think of you, I’ll clear that up, too. First of all, I’m fond of you both. I think you’re too soft and spoiled for your own good. I want you to be happy, and I get no fun at all out of hurting you. But you’re still children, and I’m supposed to take care of you to the best of my ability. If I can teach you one simple lesson, I’ll have done a good job of it. You’re evidently going to have to learn the hard way that your happiness for the rest of your lives depends on how well you fit yourselves into other people’s plans, not vice versa; and on how willing you are to submit to the judgment of someone who knows more than you do. Am I right or wrong?”
     
    “You’re right,” faltered Hope.
     
    “Yessir,” said Haley. The lesson sounded like an eminently reasonable one, easily committed to memory.
     
    “What you have done tonight has hurt, not helped, all of us,” said the General, “and poor, hare-brained Kitty most of all. You’ll see. Because you helped her run away with that crude, asinine chimpanzee, she is in for nothing but grief. We’ll get her back, because she’s too young to marry without my say so, but she’ll never be the same again — because you didn’t have the good sense to stop her. Am I right or wrong?”
     
    “I didn’t know what I was doing,” moaned Haley. Hope remained silent.
     
    “Do you feel I have stated the situation fairly, and that you have done something quite bad?” asked the General, his eyebrows arched.
     
    Haley and Hope nodded.
     
    “Very well, then, some kind of punishment is in order. Hope, Annie and I have decided that you should be sent away to some boarding school. I’ll look into the matter tomorrow, and pick one where you’ll be watched carefully and kept in line. I think one of your big troubles has been the smart-aleck company you’ve been keeping at the high school.”
     
    “Daddy!” cried Hope.
     
    “Haley, I have decided that for your own good you’d better not go to the Conservatory. You will work around the farm instead. I wouldn’t class that as punishment, actually. It’s the greatest kind of character training a man can get.”
     
    Haley did not believe it. He shut out the sound of the General’s voice, and nodded mechanically. It was hours later that a chill passed over him, and he knew that the small parcel