Be Nobody by Lama Marut Read Free Book Online

is repeated in countless ways in the scriptures and classics of other world religions:
    Â â€œSince all the disasters, sufferings, and fears in the world come about from the grasping to a self, then how is this grasping beneficial to me? Without abandoning the self, suffering cannot be abandoned, just as without avoiding fire one cannot avoid being burned” (Shantideva, Buddhism). 10
    Â â€œAbove all the grace and the gifts that Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self” (Francis of Assisi, Christianity). 11
    Â â€œHe who attends to his greater self becomes a great man, and he who attends to his smaller self becomes a small man” (Mencius, Confucianism). 12
    Â â€œThere is an irreducible opposition between the deep transcendent self that awakens only in contemplation and the superficial, external self that we commonly identify with the first person singular. We must remember that this superficial ‘I’ is not our real self. It is our ‘individuality’ and our ‘empirical self,’ but it is not truly the hidden and mysterious person in whom we subsist before the eyes of God. The ‘I’ that works in the world, thinks about itself, observes its own reactions, and talks about itself is not the true ‘I’ that has been united to God in Christ” (Thomas Merton, Christianity). 13
    Â â€œOwing to ignorance of the rope, the rope appears to be a snake; owing to ignorance of the Self, the transient state arises of the individualized, limited, phenomenal aspect of the Self” (Shankara, Hinduism). 14
    While our unique individuality serves as a starting point, it cannot function as the end-all of the quest to “know thyself.” To move beyond our fascination and attachment to our particularity, we must gain an appreciation for what we share with all the other somebodies out there.
N EVER S OMEBODY E NOUGH
    The need to feel special is not in and of itself special. We all want to portray ourselves—to ourselves and to others—as being in one way or another extraordinary . If we don’t feel this foundational senseof specialness at all, it is indeed important to find ways to increase our sense of self-worth—and there are plenty of resources available in the therapeutic establishment to facilitate that. And throughout this book, we’ll be discussing some surefire methods for increasing self-esteem.
    But what we also may start to suspect is that, at a certain point—after shoring up the foundation of a necessary and beneficial sense of self-worth—the interminable pursuit of being somebody can become a heavy load to carry.
    If, for example, we believe that our “specialness” derives from what we have achieved rather than from who we really are , we will be forever striving to be important enough, famous enough, rich enough, loved enough, accomplished enough.
    The eminent psychiatrist Thomas Szasz noted, “People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self,” Szasz argued, “is not something one finds, it is something one creates.” 15 And it is true that most of us peg some important part of our identity to our accomplishments in whatever arenas of life we deem important. But if we overvalue the idea that self-worth is tied to a created specialness , most of us will never feel we have produced a special enough self.
    If we fully buy into an accomplishment-based understanding of selfhood, we’ll be perpetually trying, and endlessly failing, to be somebody enough .
    When we wholly identify with one or another of the roles we play in the ongoing drama that is life, we may begin to suspect that no matter how successful we are—no matter how many promotions we win, how much money we accumulate, how much praise we receive—it will never be sufficient. If this is the gauge of self-approval, the bar will always be moving higher; there will always be more hoops