Bearly Holding On by Danielle Foxton Read Free Book Online Page A

and his eyes were filled with so much pain that she wished she hadn’t asked. “I was holding the dagger, yes. But the killer had already left. I grabbed the dagger because—” Rage and anguish that had been simmering just under the surface for years began to boil. “—Because I loved her. I loved her and when I found her dead I wanted to be dead too.”
    Awen was touched. He looked so human in that moment, so fragile, that she forgot for a moment that she had nearly seen him rip a man to shreds.
    “And you took your punishment silently because you thought they would kill you,” she finished for him. “So you wouldn’t have to do it yourself.”
    Suddenly Mati kicked the chair, splintering it into pieces. “And I was stupid to do so!” he punctuated. “The man who killed her, the Cayuse chief, got away with the crime because of it.”
    Awen had so many questions, she didn’t know where to belong. “The Cayuse chief killed her? Why?” she asked insistently.
    “He didn’t approve of the merge. It would have made our two tribes nearly as large as his,” Mati explained, slowly calming down. “I found her doubled over his blade. I tried to attack him but he got away. When I was questioned about the crime I knew that if I said anything it would start a war.” He sat on the end of the bed, facing the opposite wall. “I thought that it would be better for everyone if the fragile peace was maintained. Your people grieved for Awenasa. It was easier for them to believe that it was a crime of passion than it would have been if they had known the truth.”
    “Did she love you too?” Awen asked softly.
    Mati turned his head so that one side of his face was visible to her. “Yes,” he whispered, “but her duty to her people always came first. I had nothing to offer her—no connections, no wealth. The night I found her corpse was going to be our night to say goodbye before she married the Chief.”
    “I’m sorry.” Awen reached a tentative hand towards him, settling it on his back lightly. He tensed but didn’t move away.
    “Sometimes I hate this cursed existence. I’m alone in this world. Even long before they died, I lost my family. I was a tainted murderer, forced from my home into the wilderness.” He sighed, long and deep. “But then I think of all the people I have helped—all the lives I have saved—and suddenly my wretched existence doesn’t seem so wretched anymore.” Mati angled his body towards her now, all signs of anger gone from his face.
    “But you lost so much,” Awen said, scooting further down the bed so she could wrap an arm around his chest. She rested her forehead on his back, breathing his scent in deeply. “There had to have been a better way.”
    “There wasn’t,” he stated. “Even now, the Cayuse tribe is at least five times larger than both of ours combined. This land would have become theirs if we had gone to war. I’d rather be cursed forever as a bear.”
    Awen nodded her head against his back in understanding. There had always been a tenuous relationship between her tribe and the Cayuse. She tried to stay out of tribe politics but it was inevitable that she, the daughter of the the Nez Perce chief, would become embroiled in it somehow. That was why she never discussed her lineage with those outside of the reservation. It was also why her father had been so angry when she left. After all—she was the princess.
    That thought caused a shiver to run up her spine. It was like history was repeating itself.
    “I know who you are,” Mati said, as if he had read her thoughts, “and I swear...the same will not happen to you.”
    She wrapped her other arm around him, holding him tightly against her chest. He patted her hand and then disentangled himself from her arms. She watched him cross the room to the rocking chair by the door. He grabbed the fur blanket that was draped over the back of it and brought it over to her, gesturing for her to lie back so he could cover