she’ll be. I do not want to find out.
P.S. Talk to you in 1991.
New Years Eve 1990
Dear Janice
,
I t’s a few hours away from 1991. I have nothing to look forward to for the night except babysitting Devoy and watching the countdown on t.v. My mom is going to a party, so is Rondah. Daddy is working. Poor thing, he’s worse off than I am. It’s really a shame. Actually it’s pitiful. But that’s my life! Hopefully next year will be much better. I’ll be starting out the first hours of it on a boring, depressing note, but that leaves 365 days to make it better. I hate making resolutions because I always break them. Anyway, this year I’ll make a resolution not to make any resolutions. Last year I promised myself I would stop eating so much junk food and that I would be neater and more organized. Being that the store is right at the corner from me and I pass it everyday coming from school, the junk food thing didn’t last too long. As far as being neat and organized, I just don’t think I was made to be neat. I try but it’s too much of a strain.
January 2, 1991
Dear Janice
,
A t school it feels so strange to write 1991. I make A mistakes and write 1990. That happens every year to me. It takes me a while to get adjusted. I’m trying in school to listen more to the teachers. I think my listening skills are a little weak. It’s not really a resolution, it’s something I have to do. I realize that I blank out too much. Like I start to listen, and I drift off. What’s happening to me? I’ve thought about it and it’s happening so often now. I think about so much. I mostly fantasize. I think back to things that happened before and how I could have acted better in the situation. Like if I had a fight with my mom, I think of what more I could have said to her to get everything off my chest. I often hold things back. Anyway, it’s things like that that make me drift. The last thing I need now, is a drop in grades. Now that a guy calls my house regularly, I could just hear my mom, “Now your mind is full up with boys and you can’t do your lessons.” I don’t think that has nothing to do with nothing. Maybe it’s a phase.
January 4, 1991
Dear Janice
,
G irls in school are so stuck up! They plaster their faces with makeup everyday and finish cans of hairspray every other day. They are so materialistic! Do you know what’s in this year? Mirrors. They all carry little mirrors and they stare at themselves almost every minute of the day. It’s all for the boys. They put so much into getting guys to like them that is almost scary. Suppose I was like them? What would my mother do? To think of it, she’s lucky I’m the way I am, she is more than lucky.
One of the materialistic snob’s name is Babette. I hate her! She makes me so sick. She thinks she’s better than everybody else. I feel like ringing her neck. She’s really beginning to bug me now. In the beginning of the school I wasn’t sure how I felt about her, but now I know I can’t stand her. The whole problem is her attitude, I think she’s some kind of higher force than anything. If it’s one thing I hate, it’s conceited people. I wish they would transfer her to another class because I don’t want to have hostile thoughts when I’m trying to learn.
P.S. I called Derek today.
January 7, 1991
Dear Janice
,
D erek called after school today, he’s nice to talk to. I like him. We talk naturally to each other like we’ve known each other for years and years. Anyways, my mom doesn’t know he calls yet. I don’t want her to answer the phone one day when he’s calling. Who knows what she’ll say. I don’t want to find out. Rondah is already giving me a hard time about it. I know I’m in for a lot of arguments and maybe I’m just being stupid, but I’m not going to tell him to stop calling. I could be really stubborn sometimes and now is one of those times. I like him, is it a sin? I wish I had a family like my friend Teniesha has. She
Learning to Kill: Stories