Beautiful Nightmares (The Asylum Trilogy) by Lauren Hammond Read Free Book Online

I’m having a girl.
     
    I feel a kick and laugh. I reach out to grab Elijah’s hand. I want him to feel. More than anything I want some kind of positive reaction from him. But the second I reach for him, he pulls away from me. I frown and place both my own hands flat on my bulging belly. I laugh again when I feel another kick. “I don’t understand you,” I tell Elijah. I glare at him and point to my stomach. “I’m having your child. That is a beautiful thing and you’ve been nothing but frosty about it.”
     
    He straightens his posture and smooths down the front of his white coat. “I have not been frosty about it.”
     
    I roll my eyes and look away. That’s not true. At home, he steers clear of me a lot. I can count on one hand how many times he’s gone to the doctor with me. And even less than that that he’s touched my stomach. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand why any man wouldn’t be interested in his unborn child.
     
    Elijah checks his watch. He’s impatient, sighing and moving toward the door. “Is this why you came here? To try and get me to feel your stomach?”
     
    I almost snap at that moment. “No.” My voice is low, raspy. Almost chilling. I gaze up at the white plaster ceiling and take a deep breath. “I came here to ask you why you’ve been spending more time at work than at home with me and your unborn child because I can tell you this, Elijah. I’m getting tired of it.” He looks at me shocked. “I would really appreciate it, if you’d start taking an interest in your child.” With that I brush past him, exit, and leave him standing alone in the utility closet.
     
    ~ ~ ~
     
    Elijah is always so reserved, centered, and focused.
     
    There have been times where I’ve wanted to ask him questions.
     
    Questions like; do you ever have moments where you feel like your mind is screaming so loud that you’re not sure how to silence it? Or, do you ever have days where you feel like you’re falling apart and you’re not sure if you’ll be able to put yourself back together again?
     
    I have those days all the time.
     
    I have days when my emotions are a mess, my mind is in shambles, and I go through phases where I feel unsure of how to function like a normal human being.
     
    I could blame it on the hormones, but the thing is, I felt this way sometimes before I was pregnant.
     
    I find one of the things I love most about my husband is that I never get an uncertain vibe from him.
     
    He’s guarded.
     
    But at the same time, he’s a well-built structure.
     
    Sometimes I don’t understand how he handles me so well.
     
    Or I guess I should say, puts up with my womanly antics. I mean I know he has a sister, but he doesn’t speak of her often or what his childhood with her was like.
     
    When I’m having an emotional moment, I find comfort in the fact that he has such a calming effect on me. I can’t accurately explain the way it makes me feel, but I know that he doesn’t even have to speak to me. All he does is take me in his arms and run his fingers through my hair. After that, it’s like in a matter of seconds, I instantly forget about what I was fretting over.
     
    Which is why I’m worried about our relationship now.
     
    I am worried because I feel like we’re drifting too far apart.
     
    We’re drifting apart during a time where we’re supposed to be more unified than ever.
     
    I’m in the kitchen making breakfast when I hear Elijah come in.
     
    We used to eat breakfast together all the time. He’d always wait to go to sleep until after he’d spent some time with me first. But lately, he’s been coming home and heading straight to bed.
    I’ve gotten used to it.
     
    Him pushing me away still hurts, but it’s something I’ve become accustomed to.
     
    I place the sunny side up eggs I’ve made on a plate and brush against the pan handle with my round belly. The hot grease almost sprays all over me, but Elijah is next to me in a second with