was, so maybe it was getting too hard for him, no pun intended.
Suddenly, I was questioning how serious our relationship was. I mean, could a relationship really be serious without sex? Without totally giving ourselves to each other like that?
Arielle seemed to notice my internal monologue. "You're just gonna have to let it happen, dude," she said. "You'll figure it all out. If he's a virgin, the first time probably won't be that great. But if he cares about you, he'll make it work."
I sighed. My brain was totally overloaded. "Yeah, okay. Well, I think we should get some work done now," I said, hoping to escape the discussion.
She nodded and smiled. "Well, I definitely need more coffee then."
Even though we managed to finish a lot, I couldn't stop thinking about sex. After it was switched on in my brain, I just couldn't turn it off.
My relationship with Mason was going to change, I knew that much.
5
A few days after our conversation about sex, I borrowed my mom's car and drove to Planned Parenthood. I still hadn't seriously brought up sex with Mason—we also hadn't had much alone time since my mom's family was in town all weekend for my Uncle Jack's birthday—but I decided I wanted to be prepared when I finally did.
I liked that I was taking the lead instead of just dumping it on Mason because he was a guy. It made me feel more responsible, more like an adult.
Just as Arielle had promised, the whole experience was painless. I was initially nervous about running into someone I knew—or someone from church —but everything turned out fine.
I ended up with a big handful of condoms, probably twenty or thirty. They barely fit into my purse.
The whole time I was thinking about the fact that the condoms basically represented the total number of times Mason and I could have sex. Thirty condoms meant we could have sex thirty times. Thirty. It was so weird to be thinking like that, but I couldn't shake it. We hadn't even done it once yet, and I still had no idea when it would actually happen.
On my way back, when I was two blocks from home, I realized I had told my mom I was going to buy make-up—and I clearly didn't have any make-up. I wasn't about to get busted with a bunch of condoms in my purse and sent off to some Christian boarding school.
I turned around and went back to the closest supermarket and grabbed some blush and eyeliner, the cheapest stuff possible since I didn't actually need it.
On my second drive home, I thought about how thankful I was that I had met Arielle. Given our different cliques and social statuses, we were a very unlikely pair. But for some weird reason, it worked.
And thanks to her, I had free condoms.
I got home and into my room without any trouble. My mom's eyes were glued to the TV as she watched a nature documentary about Africa. She barely even noticed me.
I deposited the contraband into the innermost pocket of my backpack until I thought of a better place to hide it. The backpack made them portable and convenient in case the need ever arose.
After that, I sat down on my bed and called Mason.
***
Just as I had expected, Mason did want to have sex, but he wasn't bringing it up to be polite. Sure, we had our passion-driven, body-on-body conversations in which we nearly did it—but we never actually spoke about it, other than casual mentions.
"Are you ready though?" he asked me. We were cuddled up in his bed, nearly naked under the blankets as usual, sharing body heat. Between words, we listened to each other breathe.
"Not right this second," I said.
He laughed and itched his scalp. "I don't mean right this second. I mean, do you want to do it? To go all the way? I don't want to pressure you if—"
"Are you a virgin too?" I asked pointedly. I needed to get it out of the way, and the moment finally felt right.
"Yeah," he said, almost proudly.
"You are ?" I said, mouth agape.
"Well, I could say the same thing about you," he said. "Hottest girl in the whole