Beauty Rising by Mark W Sasse Read Free Book Online

River. We had with us about 10 kids aged from twelve to sixteen. We all drove up together in the church van and set-up our tents in a campsite which jutted right out into the river, a beautiful little setting. Friday night and Saturday we did all kinds of activities with the kids – canoeing, tug-a-war, water fights, fishing. Late Saturday night, oh, it must have been after midnight, all the kids were sleeping. I was sitting on a mat overlooking the river; the weather was brisk; lightening bugs lit up the night canvas like Christmas lights and the crickets and the frogs were out in full force. I heard someone coming. It was your mom. She sat down silently beside me for a while. We chatted nonchalantly about the beauty of the sights and sounds. She then brought up Martin, and said something about her being afraid for him. It was quite dark, and I had trouble seeing the expression on her face clearly. I reached out to give her a little pat of encouragement on her back, and I missed her back and touched her face instead. That single touch on that one night….well….it was one of those touches that get your heart racing. She curled her face in towards my hand, and – Well, remember I was nearly twenty-nine at the time. It had been a long time since I had a girlfriend. I truly was focused on my work at the church. But I certainly was not immune to the magical charms of nature. I then reached and pulled her close to me, and I hugged her with my right arm. She scooted over next to me and put her head in close to mine. My, I remember it like it was yesterday. I turned to Jane and said, ‘Jane, I have a tremendous desire to kiss you. May I?’ ‘Yes’, she replied. And we started kissing. Now you might think that since I was a pastor that I would have had better sense than to be starting something like this during a youth outing. I’m no more immune to mistakes than anyone, and so I pressed my luck, and we became more physical. Before you know it, I had led your Mom back into my tent, and we were intimate with each other.”
    He stopped. His heart seemed to race, and his eyes glazed over in some sort of nostalgic trance.
    “She went back to her tent before morning, and the next day we could barely look at each other. I became obsessed with her. She flooded my thoughts every moment of the day. The next week, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I couldn’t look Reverend Coonsley in the eye, I couldn’t prepare my Sunday School lessons, and I couldn’t pray. She consumed me. I thought for sure I was in love. I finally called her on Friday evening and said I wanted to see her, and we met at the Hot Dog Shop over in Butler. I told her I was sorry for what happened, and that it was wrong for me to not be able to control myself. She didn’t say anything, and then I told her that I loved her. I couldn’t help loving her. I didn’t want to take advantage of her or complicate things with Martin. If she didn’t want to see me anymore, I would understand. She then stopped me and said that she didn’t want to stop seeing me. I had the biggest lump in my throat. And that was the start of the two most selfish months in my whole life.”
    I must have had a strange look on my face because Reverend Fox stopped and asked, “Martin, do you want me to continue this?”
    “I do,” I said forcefully.
    “Well, for the better part of the summer of 1969, your mother and I saw each other on a regular basis. They were truly the most selfish moments of my life because I said to myself constantly, ‘I know I’m not supposed to be doing this. I know it is wrong of me to have an intimate relationship with her. I know that it will cost me everything that I’ve worked for and everything that I have learned about God. But I don’t care. I want her more than anything else.’ Martin, I basically said, ‘Damn the consequences, I’m doing what I want to do.’ By August, everything in my life was unraveling. I couldn’t keep up with my work at