Becoming Me by Melody Carlson Read Free Book Online Page B

Valentine’s day)
    It feels like my entire life is falling apart—on absolutely every level. For starters there’s this awful thing with my parents. (I’ve managed to avoid my mom since yesterday, but how long can that possibly last?) And now she’s down in the kitchen fixing this big special dinner, thinking that my dad’s going to come home and everything’s going to be just fine. Oh brother! And yet, what if he DOES come home? What will I say to him? How can I pretend that I don’t know something is going on with him and that Belinda person?
    Well, okay, and if that’s not enough, I got into this big, ugly fight with Jenny at lunchtime today. Okay, now you’re probably thinking, why should I even care—I mean, only yesterday I wanted to just totally tell her off. But the funny thing is, she’s the one who started the fight in the first place. Which I suppose was lucky for me, because Heather actually sided with me and told Jenny she was acting like a total moron. But just the same it really hurt to hear Jenny lashing into me like that, especially in frontof everyone—and all because of some stupid anonymous Valentine that some idiot (probably one of the youth group geeks) stuck in my locker. I only showed it to my friends for a few laughs (which I could’ve really used today!). But for some reason Jenny just exploded and said that I was showing off. (Me showing off! Ha! As if I don’t know how barely in their little clique I even am!) But instead of backing down and just taking it, like I would’ve done a few weeks ago, I just gave it right back to her. Man, you should’ve heard us yelling at each other.
    I felt kind of bad about the whole thing later, that is until Heather told me that the reason Jenny was in such a foul mood was because Josh hadn’t gotten her a Valentine. Oh brother, give me a break! But then I started thinking about the whole thing differently during my creative writing class. (Which I happen to really like, and I think it has a lot to do with writing in this diary, and Miss Tyler says I’m a very good writer.) I was thinking about how that must make Jenny feel. I mean, less than a week after she does it for the very first time, and then Josh can’t even give her a stupid Valentine.
    Well, let me tell you, Josh had already dropped down quite a few notches on my list anyway, but this really makes me see him in a brand new light. And I think if I get the chance I might even tell him face to face what a complete jerk I think he is. I can’t believe how bold I’ve gotten all of the sudden—it’s like I don’t even care what these kids think of me anymore. I could just take theirpopularity or leave it. And quite frankly, I’m thinking I might be better off without them anyway. (Although I’m not completely sure about that.) And it’s quite possible that this whole thing with my parents is affecting my thinking right now.
    But anyway, I was actually feeling sort of sorry for Jenny, so I stopped by the student store and got her a cheesy little Valentine card and a cherry Charms sucker, and stuck them both in the slots of her locker. She’ll probably just throw them away. Not that I really care (okay, so maybe I do). All I can say is at least I tried. Now, I just hope I don’t have to face my dad tonight (not that he’s likely to come home, I mean after giving his little girlfriend that bracelet, they’re probably cozier than ever right now—poor Mom!). But if he did happen to show his face on the home front, I’m afraid after all this venting that went on at school today, I might just speak my mind to him about this stupid Belinda person—and then I cannot even imagine what my mom would think about that. Or is it possible that she already knows?
    So, happy Valentine’s day to you too!
Thursday, February 15 (some consolation)
    My dad never showed up for Mom’s special Valentine’s dinner last night. He called and they talked for a few minutes, but her voice was so quiet I