Becoming Me by Melody Carlson Read Free Book Online

about it just yet. My plan is to wait and talk to my dad directly. Unfortunately, he hasn’t come home at all today, which does have me a little worried, but I know if I can only talk to him for a little while, and tell him I’m sorry, and how I want to stick to his no-dating rule and everything—then I’m absolutely certain that everything will get back to normal around here. And the truth is, I don’t really care whether I ever date again—well, at least not for a long, long time.
    Okay, I guess, that is, unless Josh and Jenny should somehow break up, which isn’t at all likely considering what they were up to last night (something I’d really rather not think about). No, I seriously doubt that they’ll be breaking up anytime real soon. And all of a sudden, I wonder what Beanie Baby is up to these days. And I’m even thinking about giving her a call!
February 13, Tuesday (a very bad day)
    Right now I’m so furious, so totally angry (#@!!#!) I can hardly hold this pen straight in my hand to write all this down! First off, my dad never did come home. Mom said he’d called her to tell her he was okay, but that he just wanted to take a little time away to figure things out. And actually, Mom seemed slightly better about everything too. But I really wanted to talk to Dad and explain how I wasn’t going to date anymore, and how sorry I was that I came between my parents like that. So after school, I asked Jenny if she could drop me by his office today (he works in this big ad agency downtown). Anyway, she didn’t mind at all.
    Now, of course, that meant I had to sit there and listen to her go on and on about how wonderful it had been with Josh the other night (when they went to that stupid hotel!). I mean, I just wanted to scream at her to shut up about the whole moronic thing! Is she so clueless as to not understand that I have absolutely no desire to hear about it—and I don’t care if it was her first time to do it. I just tried to block out all of her words and to stare out the window, and somehow I managed to keep my mouth closed and to control myself from telling her that I thought she was being incredibly stupid, and that she’d be lucky not to get some horrible STD, or worse yet, even pregnant! Because, I reminded myself, she was after all giving me a free ride.
    And so there I sat as we drove through the businesssection, politely ignoring her constant babbling, letting her words float right over me, and focusing my thoughts on how sad and hopeless my mom had looked on Sunday when my dad didn’t come home. I told myself I was on a mission of mercy to save my family, and if that meant subjecting myself to Jenny’s blathering on about Josh (the boy I’d thought I loved) then it was just the price I had to pay for having been such a complete idiot in the first place.
    And finally, we were there, and I thanked her and told her that I’d catch a ride home with my dad. Even though I really wished I could talk to someone, I haven’t told Jenny anything about my parents’ recent marital problems. Somehow I just don’t think she’d care all that much, especially now that she’s so wrapped up in her new and exciting sex life with Josh Miller!
    So, there I was riding the elevator up to my dad’s office, rehearsing my little repentance speech, and imagining my dad’s relief to see me and hear how sorry I am about all this. But, of course, he’s in a meeting. I guess I should’ve known, that man’s always in meetings.
    “You can wait in his office, dear,” says old Mrs. Greenly, smiling just as pleasantly as ever. (My mom says that she takes happy pills, because no matter how chaotic things get at the office, she somehow keeps every gray hair perfectly in place, and nothing at all ever seems to disturb her.) So anyway, I go into my dad’s office (and it occurs to me that I haven’t been here for at least a couple of years) and I sit in his black leatherchair and lean back, pretending like I’m some