Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family by Amy Ellis Nutt Read Free Book Online Page B

pink princess dress from Toys R Us.
    “Wyatt, you can’t wear that!”
    Wayne’s harsh tone cracked through the party chatter, and Wyatt’s little body jerked, then froze. Kelly, who heard her husband’s strained voice from the kitchen, knew something was wrong and rushed out.
    “What’s the matter?” she asked.
    “Wyatt cannot—”
    “What did you say to him?!”
    Kelly followed her husband’s eyes to the top of the stairs. One of Wyatt’s tiny hands grasped the banister; the other clutched a glittery wand. On his face was fear and confusion.
    “Are you going to let him wear
that
?” Wayne asked.
    Kelly didn’t answer. Instead, she raced up to Wyatt, hot tears now streaking his face, took him by the hand, and led him back into his bedroom. It was, she knew right then and there, the worst moment of her life. It wasn’t so much the reaction of the people at the party, who were mostly stunned into silence—that was Wayne’s issue—but rather the hurt her son was experiencing, and for no good reason other than that he wanted to wear his princess dress to the family’s party. How could she explain to him that he’d done nothing wrong when his father had just scolded him? She didn’t think she was ready for this, and yet she knew it was just the beginning.
    “This isn’t really the right time,” Kelly gently told Wyatt, persuading him it would be better, for now, to wear pants and a shirt.
    “I can’t be myself,” Wyatt said, a mixture of sadness and anger in his voice. “Jonas gets to wear what he wants. Why can’t I?”
    Kelly knew it was true, and that it wasn’t fair.
    “Let’s just try to get to know people first,” she said.
    Still dazed, Wayne remained downstairs, enveloped in a kind of concussive quiet. The world where he was a father and husband in an ordinary, hardworking, middle-class family had just blown up. He stood there stunned, unable to hear whatever was going on around him, as if deafened by the psychological explosion. Was everyone at the party looking at him right now? He felt strangely alone, and, worse, unmasked. As if the hunter, the fisherman, the air force veteran, and the Republican had all been stripped away and the only thing left was the father—but father of what and of whom? Yes, he was a happily married man and the parent of two beautiful boys, but it was also true he was embarrassed by one of them—and he’d just broken that little boy’s heart.
    Nothing seemed to help Wayne make sense of Wyatt, not his small-town background, not his time in the military, and certainly not all that education. How could Wyatt and Jonas be identical twins and be so different? There was no question Jonas was pure boy, and his very existence seemed to put the lie to Wyatt’s insistence he was female.
    Wayne had shared his fears, confusion, and anger with no one, not even Kelly. She knew he was disappointed in Wyatt and even angry, but he held it inside and instead continued to put distance between himself and the family—working late during the week, running and swimming and exercising for hours at a time, doing chores outside that allowed him to be alone with his thoughts. There was a stubbornness to Wayne and also, at times, an inability to see beyond the walls of his own experience. Kelly had learned that lesson up close. One day, early in their relationship but before they were married, Wayne announced he was going hunting. Kelly thought, how nice, he’s going to go off and do his male thing, so she made him a sandwich and kissed him goodbye. When he came home in his dirty camouflage fatigues, a deer was splayed inside his Chevy Chevette, its nose on the dashboard and its feet sticking out the back. Kelly was aghast.
    “What’s that in your pocket?” she asked, noticing a rather large bulge at Wayne’s waist. He pulled out the deer’s heart and proffered it to Kelly.
    “Oh my God!”
    Kelly couldn’t believe what she was looking at. What had her husband done? What