or even know what I wanted to spend my time doing? I felt a
lack of passion, and without the desire to do anything in particular,
I was lost.
How
did everyone else know where they were going, and what they wanted to
do? I think I did before I met Harry, and yet I wasn’t the same
girl that I was all those years ago. I went into school with a dream,
but left with husband. It’s not that I settled, but I was
content to be his wife, his arm piece, and without a voice of my own,
I simply fell into going to events, luncheons, and speaking for those
who came for help.
I
spoke for education, for children, for health causes, for women’s
issues, and then it hit me. I spoke, and I spoke well. I considered a
career in public speaking, and thought about causes near to my heart.
It was when I spoke for women’s issues and for those that were
down that I came to life. I was more drawn to those issues than
health causes. It’s not that I didn’t want to help with
health issues – I had no problem helping, but when I championed
for battered women, and helping them overcome their struggles, I felt
alive.
Could
one make a career out of that? What could I do? I tossed around the
idea of non-profit organizations, and made a list of people I knew
that worked with women. For the first time in a long time, I started
to feel the fire growing inside of me, and then the pieces started to
come together. If I got my law degree, I could help these women by
doing pro-bono work. I could be a voice for those women that needed
it the most. It was a moment of excitement, finally realizing that I
just might have a plan after all.
Chapter 6
We
went to the park for our second date. Alex packed a picnic lunch, and
I must say an impressive one. When I commented, he admitted he’d
gotten help. It was a catered picnic lunch, and he just showed up to
pick up the basket. I laughed, because it was brilliant. Sitting
eating small finger sandwiches, we talked and shared more details
about ourselves.
Getting
to know Alex as he opened up was wonderful. He was charming, warm,
and witty. I wish I’d known that about him previously. Not that
it would have mattered, but I would have seen him more as an
individual, and not just as an employee.
The
sun went behind some clouds, and as we glanced up we saw an imminent
rain shower. Quickly gathering our things we ran to the car, and
almost made it. Laughing, we sat in the car realizing how close we
were to getting soaked. We’d lost track of time, and had spent
the better part of the afternoon together.
As
he leaned over to kiss me, I parted my lips, accepting his
affections. His kiss was tender and soft, as his hand came up to my
head, pulling me closer. I was oblivious of the photographer
capturing our intimate moment in the car.
When
the picture was splashed on the front page of the local paper, I was
horrified. It was tagged with the headline, “Governor’s
Ex-Wife and Bodyguard in Love Affair, Was He the Cause of the
Divorce?” The speculation had me spitting mad.
I
was embarrassed for us both, and was almost afraid of Alex’s
reaction. He was a private person, and I knew this wouldn’t go
over well. I was right. My phone rang not long after he saw the
headline.
“ Elle,”
he was tense, “I don’t think I can do this.”
“ Alex,
I’m not a married woman. We don’t have to justify dating
one another,” I started.
“ People
will be questioning my morals and ethics, dating my ex-boss, and
wondering if we were together while you were still married. I’m
an upstanding man; I wouldn’t make a move on you if you were
still married.”
“ Alex,
I know that, you were nothing but respectful,” I said.
“ And
now, I’m splashed across some newspaper like I’m
conversation worthy, like silly gossip. This isn’t how I live
my life,” he answered. He was obviously uncomfortable, much
more than I was at this point.
I
guess I was used to being in the paper time to time, but he was used
to a
Learning to Kill: Stories