Berry Scene by Dornford Yates Read Free Book Online Page A

Justice of the Peace.”
    “Yes,” said Berry, “I am. I’m also a member of the MCC and the Army and Navy Stores. But at the present moment I’m a witness.”
    As the laughter died down—
    “When you are, er, enthroned at Riding Hood, do you frequently reject evidence on the ground that the witness was temporarily insane?”
    “No.”
    “Yet you’re asking this Court to do so.”
    “I am doing no such thing.”
    “What are you doing?”
    “I was under the impression that I was giving evidence.”
    “Which you ask the Court to accept?”
    “That, I think, is the privilege of the advocate.”
    “Are you trying to teach me my business?”
    “No,” said Berry, “I’m not. My ability is, er, limited.”
    Counsel glared.
    Then—
    “You saw the constable arrive?”
    “I did.”
    “And proceed to take particulars?”
    “Yes.”
    “He produced the traditional note-book?”
    “Naturally.”
    “Would it be fair to say that he was officious?”
    “It would not.”
    “And obtuse?”
    “No.”
    “What was he?”
    “Dutiful.”
    “Thank you. He hasn’t said that Mr Slober was out of his mind?”
    “Neither have I. My words were ‘beside himself’.”
    “What is the difference?”
    “Well, I’m not a lexicographer,” said Berry, “but I believe ‘out of his mind’ to be the more serious condition of the two.”
    “He didn’t even say ‘beside himself’?”
    Berry shrugged his shoulders.
    “The phrase may not have occurred to him. He said ‘labouring under excitement’.”
    “Do you agree with that statement?”
    “Fully.”
    “He had had enough to excite him?”
    “More than enough. A chauffeur in a horse-trough, and a car doing a lamp-post to the bushel – well, it’s like a bad dream.”
    I am glad to record that Counsel contrived to smile.
    “The arrival of the constable did not improve matters?”
    “I don’t agree.”
    “Can you deny that after his arrival the situation deteriorated?”
    “That was not the officer’s fault.”
    “Whose fault was it?”
    “If it was anyone’s, it was Mr Slober’s.”
    “How do you make that out?”
    “The constable’s confusion provoked him to violence; but it was his own incoherence that confused the constable.”
    “Incoherence?”
    “That,” said Berry, “was the word I used.”
    “I am aware of that, sir. Of what did his incoherence consist?”
    “Of an inability to give intelligible replies.”
    “Give me an instance.”
    “The constable asked him who was driving the car. Mr Slober replied, ‘Nobody.’ Well, that wasn’t very helpful.”
    Counsel leaned forward.
    “It happened to be the truth?”
    “No doubt. It would have been equally true and misleading to say that his chauffeur had gone to have a bath.”
    There was a roar of laughter.
    As it died down—
    “Mr Slober is charged with obstruction. Honestly, Mr Pleydell, can you substantiate that charge?”
    “To this extent – that I saw him snatch the note-book out of the constable’s hand.”
    “I suggest that the constable dropped it.”
    Berry shook his head.
    “I’m sorry. I saw the, er, rape of the book.”
    “And the alleged assault?”
    “Just naughty temper,” said Berry. “The hawker’s laughter provoked him and so he went for the man.”
    “You saw that, too?”
    “I did.”
    “Is there anything you didn’t see?”
    “Oh, quite a lot,” said Berry. “I didn’t see the accident happen. I didn’t see any reason to interfere. I didn’t see the hawker pull Mr Slober’s nose.”
    “Did he?” – excitedly.
    “Not that I know of,” said Berry. “That’s probably why I didn’t see it.”
    There was a howl of delight.
    Counsel was trembling with anger.
    “My point, sir, is that you are suspiciously well informed.”
    Berry shrugged his shoulders.
    “Sitting up in a dog-cart, I could see more than some.”
    “On a Bench of your own?” sneered Counsel.
    “No,” said Berry, “I had a box-seat put in. They’re really more