Berry Scene by Dornford Yates Read Free Book Online Page B

comfortable.”
    Another burst of laughter shook the room.
    “And you, a Justice of the Peace, sat there at your ease, watching one assault after another?”
    “That,” said Berry, “is a perversion of the truth.”
    “Aren’t you a Justice of the Peace?”
    “That’s right,” said Berry excitedly. “Of Riding Hood. If you remember, you asked me if I dispensed liquor – I mean, Justice, and I said—”
    “Didn’t you watch two assaults?”
    “No. I saw them committed.”
    “What is the difference?”
    “What you want,” said Berry, “is a grammar – not a witness.”
    “Never mind what I want, sir,” raged Counsel. “Answer the question. What is the difference between watching an assault and seeing it committed?”
    Berry took a deep breath.
    “Watching suggests anticipation. I watch you heading for a cesspool: I see you…”
    The rest of the sentence was rather naturally lost.
    “Tell me this, Mr Pleydell. Is it fair to say that if a pair of horses had not taken fright, this Court would not be hearing two summonses today?”
    “That,” said Berry, “is undeniable.”
    “And the lady behind those horses happened to be your wife?”
    “That is equally true.”
    “Bearing those things in mind, would you be human if you did not hope for Mr Slober’s conviction?”
    “To be perfectly honest,” said Berry, “I don’t care a hoot. So far as I am concerned, he and his chauffeur have paid their respective debts. He’s had his car done in and the chauffeur was ducked. And I’ll lay they stop their engine next time they’re asked.”
    There was a burst of applause.
    “Are you posing as Solomon?”
    “No,” said Berry. “As Job.”
    The retort was deservedly acclaimed.
    Counsel played his last card.
    “It is easy to see that you’re not a motorist.”
    Berry raised his eyebrows.
    “My car’s outside,” he said simply. “I always leave it outside – it’s too big to…”
    The rest of the sentence was lost, and Counsel sat down.
    As Jonah later observed, the case was over when Berry stepped out of the box. Mr Slober was certainly called, but Berry had queered his pitch: and when Mason declined to cross. examine, the impression that his evidence was worthless was driven home.
    After a short consultation, the Chairman announced the decision of the Bench.
    “We understand that Mr Slober is prepared to compensate the hawker and to pay for the damage to the lamp-post. In these circumstances, the Bench is satisfied that justice will be done if, on the summons for assault, he is bound over in his own recognizances to keep the peace for six months. The summons for obstruction will be dismissed on payment of costs. With regard to the other defendant, the Bench feels that it would be unfair to deny to him the clemency shown to Mr Slober: while he had no shadow of right to take the law into his own hands, we cannot lose sight of the fact that, if the chauffeur had acceded to the groom’s request—”
    “Which he misunderstood,” said Counsel violently.
    The Chairman looked at him.
    “The Bench,” he said coldly, “does not accept the chauffeur’s evidence on that point. As I was saying, had the chauffeur acceded to the groom’s request, no lives would have been put in peril, no damage would have been done and the Bench would not have been hearing these summonses today. Joseph Chinnock will, therefore, be bound over in his own recognizances to keep the peace for six months.”
    “Scandalous,” said Counsel; but the word was nearly drowned in the tide of applause.
    When I left the court, he and his client were still engaged in a furious altercation, regarding, I imagine, his conduct of the case.
     
    An hour had gone by, and we were in the Deanery garden, where we had had a late tea.
    “As no doubt you realize,” said the Dean, “the deus ex machina , from whom, of course, all credit has been withheld, was the lamp-post. Had the lamp-post not stopped the car, Joe Chinnock might well