Big Girl Small by Rachel Dewoskin Read Free Book Online

idiot—Sarah cared about the world, was interested in topics of actual depth. She also gave me more credit for being smart and deep than I deserved.
    Maybe it was just the delirium of watching Kyle Malanack that made me uninterested in anything else, but I wanted Goth Sarah to leave me alone so I could devote all my energy to plotting how I’d convince him to fall in love with me. I’d have settled in that moment for simply figuring out his class schedule so I could change all my classes and be in his. But I kept nodding at Sarah and saying uh-hunh like I was listening while I actually watched Kyle. I thought she wouldn’t notice, which is a lot like thinking no one can tell when you’re falling asleep in class. You know, your eyes start vibrating and your head crashes down and you snap it back up again and say some totally incoherent thing to prove that you weren’t asleep because you actually were and then you think—even though you know better—that no one else noticed. You almost congratulate yourself on whatever stupid thing you managed to say, like, “Wow, that was pretty quick of me, now no one will know I’m actually completely asleep and in a coma.” And everyone in the universe knows that you were sleeping just like when it happens to someone else, you’re like, “Why can’t she stay awake or at least do a better job pretending?” Well that’s how this was; everyone knew I was in love with Kyle. Sarah must have known right away. I couldn’t look away—he was like the best book I’d ever read, keeping me up all night, tearing through pages. He flopped around the party, his bright hair a little too long and falling into his eyes and over his ears while he chatted with everyone. He wasn’t the type to spend too much time with any one person. He drank two beers, hugged Elizabeth Wood and Kim Barksper, roughhoused with Chris Arpent and Tim Malone, sat for a few minutes with Triangular Alan in what seemed to be a meaningful talk, and then, all of a sudden, there was a big commotion out on the lawn. I followed the crowd out, and there were Chris and some other guy I didn’t know, rolling around on each other, kicking and punching and fighting. Kelly Barksper was screaming for them to stop like it was some life-or-death thing or she was auditioning for A Streetcar Named Desire , and Elizabeth Wood was jumping up and down on the porch, saying, “Someone help! Someone help!” Big, beautiful cartoon tears oozed out of her eyes.
    Kyle walked down the porch steps fast, but super calm, too, and everyone parted like the sea for him. He didn’t get excited or shout or do any of the monkey things teenage guys usually do. He just walked right to the middle of Chris and this guy, and kind of lifted Chris off the other guy and moved him out of the circle. He said something no one else could hear, and as soon as Chris heard it, he straightened up, brushed his pants off, and let Kyle lead him away. The other guy, someone from Huron or Pioneer, I don’t know, was still swearing and waving his arms. He looked so stupid that people on the porch started laughing. Then one of his friends, way less cool than Kyle and too late, came over and took him around the house the other way. And that was it. It was pretty amazing, I have to admit, the way Kyle broke that fight up. He was only a junior, and kind of scrappy and skinny, especially compared to Chris, who was huge and a senior. It’s only because Kyle was so cool that all his guy friends were seniors, and he was, like, in charge even though he was the youngest. Kyle and Chris walked toward a parked car and stood for a minute, talking. I watched Kyle’s strong jaw, outlined in the streetlight, as he opened his mouth to call, “Hey, Alan!”
    Alan appeared on the porch, hopped down the stairs, and unlocked the car, and they all got in and drove off. I could feel my body straining, trying to leave my brain behind so it could chase Kyle down the street like a dog. I