Bigger (The Nicky Beets series) by Erin Mayes Read Free Book Online Page A

what they’d gotten themselves into
– a relationship with a high-maintenance gold digger. Sure, Mom has her
good qualities. She’s adventurous and likes to have a really good time. She
loves men and sex, which she unfortunately described to me in way too much
detail, too many times for me to erase from memory. She makes a mean batch of
cinnamon rolls.
    But what all these guys came to eventually realize was that Lenore was
demanding of their attention, and she could be a real harpy when she wasn’t
getting what she wanted.
    Lenore demanded her suitors deliver constant reassurance of her beauty
and wit. If they did not carry an air of appreciation just for being in her
presence, they were definitely doing something wrong. On top of that, she
needed to be wined, dined, and plied with gifts, or she simply was not happy.
If Lenore was not being treated as she saw fit, Lenore became very upset, and
when Lenore was upset, it was a problem for everyone. Me, her beaus, the
neighbors, and anyone else within shouting distance. Her boyfriends often stormed
out in exasperation, slamming the door behind them.
    I was a chunky kid, and Mom had always been slender and beautiful. She
worked hard on her body, attending aerobics classes and standing in front of
the full-length mirror in her bedroom, examining herself. Seemingly to torture
me, she would grab a pinch of her inner thigh and bemoan the five pounds she
needed to lose. Meanwhile, I was made fun of at school every day for my weight,
and I consoled myself with the cookies and snacks Mom kept in abundant supply
in the kitchen cupboards. It was a vicious cycle that continued for years.
    From the time I became aware of my weight problem, I wondered at the
difference between Mom and me. She’d eat a cookie, and I’d eat seven. In high
school I began to wonder why there was always junk food in the house, if Mom
didn’t think I should be eating it. In hindsight, I think she was possibly
sabotaging me and loving me at the same time. Providing me with the foods I
loved and wonderful gifts seemed to be the primary way she showed love.
    She was a contradiction even then – always giving me my favorite
foods and then telling me I shouldn’t eat so much. When she paid attention to
me, that is. Mostly, the focus of all attention in our home was on her. Her
need to be noticed and adored didn’t end with her boyfriends, but extended to
me. Many evenings I sat on her bed while she tried on new outfits or
experimented with new hairstyles and makeup. My job was to tell her that
whatever she put on or did with herself was beautiful. No one could be more
beautiful.
    When I was fourteen and a freshman in high school, she met Jim, engaged
in an intense cyclonic romance, and married him three months later. Jim Beets
was the CEO of a high-tech company that was on its way up in the Bay area. He
was loaded with cash – just Mom’s type – and seemed strangely
equipped to deal with her quirks. He resonated an uncanny calm, and sometimes
– although rarely – he even called her out on her spoiled-brat
behavior.
    Jim was the father I’d never had. He showed me exactly the sort of love
and affection I’d always imagined good fathers – fathers who stuck around
– showed their daughters. About a year after the marriage, I asked Jim to
legally adopt me, and I took his last name, too. Things were as good as they
were ever going to get for our little family.
    Still, just because she’d married someone awesome didn’t mean Mom had
undergone a personality transplant. She could still be a trial to deal with,
and because Jim was often preoccupied with work and traveling on business, I
was frequently left to handle her neuroses. I knew that as soon as I could get
out of the house and live on my own, I would.
    My acceptance to San Francisco State University was perfect. It was close
enough to my parents’ home in Los Gatos to visit on weekends, if I wanted to,
and far enough that commuting didn’t make