Blackbird Knitting in a Bunny's Lair by Amy Lane Read Free Book Online Page A

am pissed that you would think you deserve this.”
    Jeremy grabbed the mirror again, like if he could see the swollen ruins of his face, he’d come to accept that those ruins were his.
    “I do deserve this,” Jeremy said, his voice little. Abruptly, he was like Ariadne: too tired for these goings-on. His head lolled back in the pillows, and he closed his eyes so Aiden couldn’t stare directly into his soul. “It’s like, I brought the bad people to a good home. I could have you and the ruined face, or have the pretty face and lose you. Man like me only gets so many good things,” he said, his voice sinking.
    Aiden took the mirror from his hand and set it by the windowsill, then pulled his habitual chair next to Jeremy’s bed. Jeremy could hear it creaking as that tall, sturdy body abused it again.
    “So which one would you rather have, Jer?” Aiden said against his hand.
    Jeremy turned toward him and made an effort to open his eyes. Gently, like settling a critter, he let his thumb brush his boy’s full lower lip. “If my boy’ll still have me,” he said slowly, watching the way Aiden closed his eyes and savored that very personal touch.
    “He will,” Aiden whispered, and Jeremy was reminded, yet again, of all this boy had taken on for him. Having his bandages taken off was a big thing for Jeremy, but Aiden had been moving their things into Ben’s house, and moving Ben’s things into Craw’s. Aiden had been taking care of livestock and dealing with Craw’s vendors and taking inventory and all sorts of things, and he’d been doing it without his Jer.
    “Then if he’ll have me like this,” Jeremy finished, because who could refuse a boy like that, “then I shall have to choose the boy, and not the pretty face.”
    Aiden smiled wickedly and pulled Jeremy’s thumb into his mouth. Jeremy gasped, and Aiden scraped the soft pad with his teeth.
    A new ache bloomed like a rose in his groin, and Jeremy closed his eyes against the taste of pleasure, not sure he could swallow that down given all the pain he’d eaten lately.
    Aiden let his thumb go with a pop but kept licking it like a kitten might. “You think about sex, Jer?” he asked quietly, and Jeremy could feel the blood rushing under his skin. Did it avoid the scars? Forge new traffic paths in his capillaries in order to make him look patched, like a rag doll, the calico man?
    “I do now ,” he accused with ragged breath, and Aiden sucked his thumb in again, giving it some solid tugs and a nip before letting go again.
    “So do I,” Aiden told him fiercely. “Before I take you home, Jeremy, I’m going to make sure you can have sex again, and then—”
    “Oh, but boy !” Jeremy wailed. God, he didn’t want to tell the doctors what he was planning to let Aiden do to him right this moment. “Everyone will know !”
    Aiden placed a very careful kiss on his forehead, where, Jeremy assumed, blood and swollen scarring were not to be found. “I want everyone to know. I want you to wear a T-shirt and a hat and a jacket and get a tattoo across your back. It’s going to have some sort of symbol that tells the whole world that your ass is mine, and we’re going to start from there. Your ass is mine, and no one will ever touch you again that I don’t want to. No one hurts you, do you understand?”
    Jeremy closed his eyes and remembered those moments on his knees in the barn, the place he’d considered his haven for going on three years, soon to become his tomb.
    “Okay,” he mumbled. “Okay. I’m going to leave it to you, boy. Those decisions are yours. I’m tired, and….” He squeezed his eyes tight and confessed to the hurt that he’d tried to squash. “I got no words, knowing I look like this. I can spin sunshine out of bullshit when I think my smile at least will sell, but not this smile, not like this.” He could still see which teeth were new and shiny white, even though the doctor promised they would weather soon. “I don’t know