Blaming (Virago Modern Classics) by Elizabeth Taylor Read Free Book Online

will be nice to be able to give people a proper smile again. And eat a nice roast.”
    Amy went from the room and left him to tidy up.She heard him talking to himself about the left-over sandwiches. Wearily, she trailed upstairs, winding her watch from habit. His bloody teeth are the last straw, she thought.
    When she was ready for bed, she went to the window to draw back the curtains. The crumpled nightgown she had snatched from her overnight bag smelled of some sun-tan lotion that had leaked.
    Below, the street lamp shone across the wet pavement and, beyond a wall, on mud flats. The river was tidal here, and it was low water. Someone hurried along with a dog, hunched up against blown drizzle.
    She put down the top window pane and went to the bed, lay down on her own side of it, the one farthest from the door. Istanbul was more than a lifetime away.
    Great exhaustion overcame her. She heard Ernie putting the chain across the front door. It is bad for him, too, she thought, before she slept.

5

     
    “We must do all we can for her,” Maggie said. “She could come to live here. She could have the little girls’ room, and they could go up into the attic. Of course, I don’t know where she’d put all her things.”
    “It’s good of you, Maggie,” James said. “But it wouldn’t do, surely? She might interfere about the children.”
    “She never has.”
    “Two women in one house,” he said restlessly. He felt pain and guilt about his mother, and could see no solution to his problem.
    “There’s the possibility she might want to be on her own.” Maggie said, trying to keep wistfulness from her voice.
    “Well, I rather think she might – for a time, that is. And there’s Ernie.”
    “Yes, I was overlooking Ernie.” Maggie brightened, and clouded. “But will she be able to afford him?”
    “Father was a good business man. I should be surprised if he hasn’t left her fairly comfortably off.”
    “Well, as long as she knows that she is always welcome here. She could come on an indefinite stay to see how we all get on.”
    “She might get on your nerves with her sadness.”
    “But if she
is
so sad, isn’t it better to be with people who love her?”
    “
Do
you love her?” he asked in surprise.
    “No, I suppose not really. But we both know howto behave. And
you
love her, and the children… certainly Dora does.”
    “Let’s leave it for the moment. I do think an indefinite stay is a bad idea, though. How could one ever ask her to go away?”
    “That’s true. A week, then. Goodness knows how one will find things to say to her. I can’t imagine what it can be like.” And then she found she could, and began to weep. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she sobbed, her hands covering her face.
    “Don’t cry. Or cry if you want to,” he said.
    He knew she was weeping for herself, not for his mother. She had never been much drawn to her – no cosy women’s chats; but in spite of lack of warmth, their relationship was exemplary. It was her father-in-law she loved (for she still thought of doing so). Amy was simply his guardian, companion, the one who had so often made barriers to protect him, even from this family. Her life was null, otherwise, Maggie considered. She did nothing for anyone but Nick, and nothing like as much as he had done for her. The wrong one had died.
    “We will make some good plans,” James said reassuringly. “it is nice of you to care so much. Certainly a long week-end some time can’t be too terrible a strain on anyone.”
    So nothing was done.
    To the children, first thing next morning, Maggie said, “I’m afraid dear Grandpa has died.”
    “And gone to heaven.” Isobel said, as if hermother had left something out.
    Maggie slightly inclined her head, not to be caught telling a lie by the God she did not believe in.
    “And-Gone-To-Heaven.” Isobel shouted, standing up, outraged, in her little bed.
    “Yes, of course.”
    “Not everyone goes to heaven,” Dora, who was