Blood & Tacos #3 by Stephen Mertz, Todd Robinson, Rob Kroese, Chris La Tray, Garnett Elliott Read Free Book Online
scumbags.
Once Kersey is settled into his dead friend’s apartment, the fun really begins. When Kersey and the fed-up tenants go head to head with the punks, the body count becomes impossible to keep track of. Bronson turns in his usual emotionless performance. Whether he’s shooting a punk in the head or watching his girlfriend (who would be more believable as his granddaughter) meet a fiery demise when she’s blown up in his car, he’s consistently wooden. The street punks, however, seem to rape, rob, and kill with a sense of glee.
Death Wish 3
is a film that dares you not to enjoy it. In fact, I dare you not to. And did I mention that you get to see Counselor Deanna Troi’s boobs (as portrayed by the boobs of Marina Sirtis)?
Invasion U.S.A. (1985)
If you haven’t seen the movie, I suggest you read this only after you experience the awesomeness that is
Invasion U.S.A.
It opens on a fishing boat full of Cuban refugees floating aimlessly in the ocean. A U.S. Coast Guard ship sails up, and the captain smiles from the deck, welcoming the Cubans to America. The captain reaches out to help an old man on board, but as he pulls him up he draws his pistol and shoots the geezer in the head! The crew of the coast guard ship then opens fire, cutting down men, women, and children alike. The captain and crew then board, open the lower deck, and haul out a shitload of cocaine. And that’s just the opening scene!
Our captain, it turns out, is really a Russian terrorist by the name of Mikhail Rostov (played by Richard Lynch). You see, Rostov is planning a full-scale invasion of the United States, and he is using the drugs to buy a stockpile of weapons. Only one man out there can stop Rostov: Matt Hunter, a gator wrasslin’, ex-CIA, terrorist-killing machine equipped with twin Uzis, played by none other than Chuck Norris.
This is the setup for
Invasion U.S.A.
I honestly don’t know where to start with this one—I guess by saying Richard Lynch plays a complete psychopath. Within the first fifteen minutes, he kills the Cubans, shoots a guy three times in the dick, and throws a coke whore out a window. Around 30 minutes in, he strikes an entire suburban neighborhood with a rocket launcher at Christmastime, killing families and literally destroying the whole block.
The film’s violence is only matched by its absurdity. Hunter is arguably the most badass character Chuck Norris has ever played. He may be the hero of the film, but make no mistake, Hunter is a stone cold killer. He murders terrorists without blinking an eye and would beat the shit out of Walker, Texas Ranger, if he ever had the chance. But Richard Lynch is the real star. As Rostov, he gives a legendary B-movie bad guy performance and steals the Chuck’s thunder. If you watch only one of the movies I’ve recommended, it should be
Invasion
—specifically, to witness Lynch’s portrayal of maniac Mikhail.
Ryan Jackson writes stories where people die at the end. Lots of people. Ryan is currently working on a screenplay that is either going to make him tons of money, or end up in a drawer somewhere collecting dust. And yes, people die in it. When he’s not killing people on the page he can be found at his blog: http://halfricanamericanpsycho.tumblr.com and his twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/RyanJackson . He has stories on
The Flash Fiction Offensive
and
Plots With Guns.
MAJOR MCCALL AND THE WIFE: Fragged
By Stephen Mertz
All kidding aside,
Blood & Tacos
is honored to have STEPHEN MERTZ included in this issue. While we poke fun at the genre here and there, we’ve always viewed our stories as loving homage and the writers of the originals with respect and admiration. Having Mr. Mertz included in
Blood & Tacos
definitely forces all of us young pups to raise our game.
If you don’t know who Stephen Mertz is, you know nothing of men’s adventure books. Wikipedia him if you have to. But what you should really do is buy. If you need a place to start,
Once Kersey is settled into his dead friend’s apartment, the fun really begins. When Kersey and the fed-up tenants go head to head with the punks, the body count becomes impossible to keep track of. Bronson turns in his usual emotionless performance. Whether he’s shooting a punk in the head or watching his girlfriend (who would be more believable as his granddaughter) meet a fiery demise when she’s blown up in his car, he’s consistently wooden. The street punks, however, seem to rape, rob, and kill with a sense of glee.
Death Wish 3
is a film that dares you not to enjoy it. In fact, I dare you not to. And did I mention that you get to see Counselor Deanna Troi’s boobs (as portrayed by the boobs of Marina Sirtis)?
Invasion U.S.A. (1985)
If you haven’t seen the movie, I suggest you read this only after you experience the awesomeness that is
Invasion U.S.A.
It opens on a fishing boat full of Cuban refugees floating aimlessly in the ocean. A U.S. Coast Guard ship sails up, and the captain smiles from the deck, welcoming the Cubans to America. The captain reaches out to help an old man on board, but as he pulls him up he draws his pistol and shoots the geezer in the head! The crew of the coast guard ship then opens fire, cutting down men, women, and children alike. The captain and crew then board, open the lower deck, and haul out a shitload of cocaine. And that’s just the opening scene!
Our captain, it turns out, is really a Russian terrorist by the name of Mikhail Rostov (played by Richard Lynch). You see, Rostov is planning a full-scale invasion of the United States, and he is using the drugs to buy a stockpile of weapons. Only one man out there can stop Rostov: Matt Hunter, a gator wrasslin’, ex-CIA, terrorist-killing machine equipped with twin Uzis, played by none other than Chuck Norris.
This is the setup for
Invasion U.S.A.
I honestly don’t know where to start with this one—I guess by saying Richard Lynch plays a complete psychopath. Within the first fifteen minutes, he kills the Cubans, shoots a guy three times in the dick, and throws a coke whore out a window. Around 30 minutes in, he strikes an entire suburban neighborhood with a rocket launcher at Christmastime, killing families and literally destroying the whole block.
The film’s violence is only matched by its absurdity. Hunter is arguably the most badass character Chuck Norris has ever played. He may be the hero of the film, but make no mistake, Hunter is a stone cold killer. He murders terrorists without blinking an eye and would beat the shit out of Walker, Texas Ranger, if he ever had the chance. But Richard Lynch is the real star. As Rostov, he gives a legendary B-movie bad guy performance and steals the Chuck’s thunder. If you watch only one of the movies I’ve recommended, it should be
Invasion
—specifically, to witness Lynch’s portrayal of maniac Mikhail.
Ryan Jackson writes stories where people die at the end. Lots of people. Ryan is currently working on a screenplay that is either going to make him tons of money, or end up in a drawer somewhere collecting dust. And yes, people die in it. When he’s not killing people on the page he can be found at his blog: http://halfricanamericanpsycho.tumblr.com and his twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/RyanJackson . He has stories on
The Flash Fiction Offensive
and
Plots With Guns.
MAJOR MCCALL AND THE WIFE: Fragged
By Stephen Mertz
All kidding aside,
Blood & Tacos
is honored to have STEPHEN MERTZ included in this issue. While we poke fun at the genre here and there, we’ve always viewed our stories as loving homage and the writers of the originals with respect and admiration. Having Mr. Mertz included in
Blood & Tacos
definitely forces all of us young pups to raise our game.
If you don’t know who Stephen Mertz is, you know nothing of men’s adventure books. Wikipedia him if you have to. But what you should really do is buy. If you need a place to start,
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