“People don’t just vanish into thin fucking air, Z.”
“Cade,” Ezra said with a weary sigh. “You’ve spent the last two years fucking rotting away and wasting your life. You need to live .”
Throwing an arm around my shoulder, he whispered, “Emily is fucking nuts about you, dude. Your girlfriend – the most beautiful girl in the school – adores you, you lucky bastard. She’s living, she’s breathing, and she’s here . In the flesh. Maybe you should focus on Emily or let someone who really cares have a fucking chance with her.”
“I’m trying,” I confessed. “I am.”
But I couldn’t help it.
Losing Mackenzie felt like I’d lost a limb …
****
Mackenzie
October 5 th , 2004
“Sit!” the tall man with the black beard and ice-gray eyes ordered.
I didn’t look to see what the others were doing.
I simply dropped to my knees, bowed my head, and placed my hands behind my back.
“Excellent,” Master purred, pulling on my chain, before rewarding my good behavior with a slice of apple. Kneeling at his feet, I gratefully ate from his hand, forcing my body to block out the smell of urine and sex from his fingers.
The sound of girls sobbing, wailing and begging filled the room. I wished they would shut up. They would only bring trouble down on all of us. There was no point in begging. We were slaves. We had no rights. We were lower than dogs.
If they wanted to stay out of the cells, they needed to learn that, and learn it quickly.
****
Summer 2005
Age 18
Cade
May 5 th , 2005
Emily and I had sex last night.
After ten months of dating, she wanted a commitment from me, so I compromised by giving her my virginity. Sex was nothing like I thought it would be. It was nothing like the movies or magazines. Sex was awkward and clumsy, and condoms were a lot fucking harder to use on your fully erect dick than a banana in sex-ed.
I felt dirty today – like I did something really bad.
I knew why, but now I had to get up the courage to say goodbye ...
I walked down to the creek rather than taking my bike. It felt more personal this way – a proper goodbye. And even though almost three years had passed since that fateful night I still found the spot where Mackenzie and I had kissed just as easily as if it had happened yesterday.
Sinking to the ground, I wrapped my arms around my knees and took a steadying breath. “I miss you, Kenz,” I whispered into thin air. “I miss your hair and your smile, and those freckles on the bridge of your nose. I miss your smell and your laugh and the way you used to say my name. I miss everything that we were and everything we could’ve been …”
Pressing my forehead against my knees, I forced the next few words from my mouth. “But I have to let you go now.” The words tasted bitter on my tongue but I needed to do this or I would never be able to move on with my life. “I’ve been dating Emily for a while now ... and it’s starting to get serious. Please don’t hate me for moving on …”
****
Mackenzie
May 6 th , 2005
Mary was dead.
I found her body in the ‘medical room’ downstairs in the basement when Master sent me to check on her progress. She was gagged, her hands were bound to the table and she was lying in a pool of her own blood. I think I lost what tiny piece of my sanity that was left when I saw what was hanging lifelessly between her legs.
I never knew Mary was pregnant.
Master said that it was Mary’s own fault for not taking the medicine he gave us. But that’s what Master said about Caitlyn, Barbara, Denise and Letitia …
Now it was just Hannah and I.
I was frightened.
I didn’t want to die on the table like the other girls, but I didn’t want to refuse my medicine and get sick either.
I was a weak person. I was rotten inside. I had to be because I didn’t fight like the others girl. The other girls fought back, and I took my clothes off and did