Born Hard Again: Book Three of the Future Remembered Chronicles by Bo Unce Read Free Book Online

should totally give me my compute-pad back!  And sit over there where Limbozer used to sit!  It'll be just like old times, me and him, I mean, me and you!  Hashtag tbt!  And you'll be the boss!  Just, like, sit in that chair and then plug in your suit, okay?"
    What a basic bitch , I thought.
    "Just, like, touch your elbows behind your back and then bring me that body, okay?" I asked again, mockingly.
    She apparently didn't get it.  After providing me with a nice view, Makayla snapped her fingers and two lithe and uninjured dancers went to pick up Marcus' body.  It had thawed out a bit and wasn't ice cold anymore, but it was on top of a few other girls who were still out cold from the corpsicle impact.  Somehow even in rigor mortis Koochy's hands had ended up groping the unconscious cheerleaders.
    "Ay yo, I cain't wait to goan get it get it wit' dese fine-ass hos," Koochy observed.  "I be already gettin' it!  Stay up, playa!  Ain't nobody keepin' big Kooch down, yahurr?"
    The girls struggled to lift Marcus' dead weight.
    "Ay!  Careful wit' dat!" he yelled from the compute-pad.
    "Yeah, be careful!" I echoed.  "Okay, what's next?" I asked him.
    The girls stopped for a second.  "Why are you taking orders from a compute-pad?" one of the girls asked, putting one arm akimbo on her curvaceous hip and eyeing me.
    "Well, he's my friend," I answered curtly.
    "You're friends with a compute-pad?  Don't you have real friends?"
    "No!  I mean, yes!  Look, Marcus is my digital personal assistant.  He helps me with reminders and keeps track of my tasks!" I explained.  Marcus had gotten me through so many tough times already today; he was indispensable as a DP assistant.
    "Give me a break.  Those things never work," she replied.
    It was true that tech startups had stopped researching AI hundreds of years ago and switched to selling advertisements to each other, as that was the basic foundation of the economy of the outer colonies.  But somehow Marcus had made a technology breakthrough in the process of hacking death.  Was this the future of AI, perhaps?  Not even Felix Navi Dod had made such progress in the field.
    I shook my head to clear it and get back to the situation at hand.
    "It does too work!  Watch.  Ahem.  Marcus!" I announced.  "Marcus, what's the weather today?"
    "What the fuck you thank, boy?" yelled Koochy.  "I ain't no sucka-ass sucka bein' all 'oh let me answer P's fuckin' dumb ass question' up in hea', nah mane I gots my own shit ta' do, fuck y'all.  Paace!"
    "Um," I started.  I was going to ask Marcus to tell a joke but I didn't think that would work either.  "Whatever, do you girls follow Cleveland Jesus or what?  Kalimbo, and stuff.  Get your asses moving!" I ordered, feeling more god-like as my awkward sentences went on.
    "I said move your ass!" I yelled and kicked at the nearest girl.  My dick-toes smacked her on the butt and she wiggled instinctively.
    Finally the girls dumped Marcus' soggy corpse next to Limbozer's suit.  I scooped up pieces of Limbozer and dumped them into a growing pile of goop, trying to clean out the suit so Marcus could be repaired.
    "Ay, aiight, now puts me up in durr!" Koochy instructed.  I stuffed his corpse into the suit sideways, pushing to make it fit.  A piece fell off so I picked it up and tossed it in too.  There were laser-cut holes in the knee and crotch and various places and meat started to ooze out so I squished it all in as best as I could.
    "But Limbozer didn't have a lot of energy left in there, right?" I said.  "He said something about it being out of battery."
    "Unnngh looka you bein' all smart, son.  Damn right!  But dat's wha' I fuckin' said arrready!  Plug dat shit into dat suit and it 'bout to be on!  I be scraight hackin' soon!  Well afta' we get some muffuckin bandz'll-make-her-dance bandwidth, and down-load the rest of my personality centa' on the down-low.  You ain't even 'bout dat life!"
    I didn't quite understand Koochy's