Breaking News: An Autozombiography by N. J. Hallard Read Free Book Online Page A

pressing into my nuts.
    ‘ Did you see him baring his teeth at me? Rabies or not, that’s just rude,’ Al said as we roared up the ramp to ground level, and back into the daylight.
    ‘ Is that a Highland insult, or just in the new towns?’ I asked, still miffed.
    ‘ Did you smell the eggs?’ Lou leaned forward.
    ‘ The same as that old boy in my street,’ I said.
    ‘ I thought Clive just had bad guts. How many people have you seen like that?’ Lou said, sitting back and reaching through the grille to Floyd. ‘Oh, sorry Al, he’s having a little piss in your boot.’
    ‘ There’s loads of them,’ I said grimly. ‘You’ll see in a minute.’
    I glanced at the building as we drove past the front entrance, and saw the huddle of motionless figures gathered around the door. Most were wearing smart clothes – ties and shirts and pencil skirts - but dusty, bloodstained or torn. Some turned to face the car.
    ‘ Oh my God, that’s Dean,’ I heard Lou say.
    ‘ Dean’s nice. I’m tired.’ Susie yawned, oblivious.
     
    It had all got a lot more hectic outside. We crawled across town as the traffic built up around us, sometimes forcing us onto the pavements. Lou was silent. We saw frenzied struggles in thick queues and fist-fights around dented cars - and still the sun bleached everything around us ash-white. More shops had been looted, and inside them we could see dim flames picking out the silhouettes of aisles and trolleys and people. Our route was blocked in several places by lines of blazing cars, as fuel tanks sparked and spat their flames about them. Al motored on, picking his way through the debris on the wide roads. Susie had her eyes closed; her head slumped against the window. Finally Lou spoke.
    ‘ We said we’d drop Susie off, but I don’t know whereabouts she lives.’
    ‘ She’s been out for a while now,’ I said. ‘Shouldn’t we just drop her off at the medical tent?’ I suggested. My words betrayed my real instinct, which was to shovel her head off and get going.
    ‘ Do you really want to get out of the car and queue?’ Al asked. ‘I’m not waiting around to catch the lurgy. We’ll get her some help in Worthing or Brighton if she still needs it, they’ll be less busy down there, anyway.’ Al looked over his shoulder at her slumped figure. ‘It’s probably just the heat.’ he said, hopefully. I said nothing.
    ‘ Are you sure, chum?’ Lou asked. ‘There’s your last chance.’
    The inflatable medical tents now sat fully engorged on the precinct, with only their tops visible above the hordes of bodies and the banners advertising the medical industry sponsors. We drove on.
    Al beeped people out of the way as he navigated the gaps between parked and burning cars, occasionally hitting an empty stretch. As I pointed Al to the next right there was a screech of rubber from the forecourt of a petrol station mini-mart, with broken glass and people scattering. A new-shape Volkswagen Beetle was coming to rest on top of a line of crushed fuel pumps, springing two or three foamy pink fountains behind it. I saw a curl of flame lick the underside of the car.
    It felt briefly like we’d driven into a shaft of brilliant sunlight thrown between two tall buildings. The heat hit me next, tightening my cheeks and drying my eyeballs, before a breathtaking thump hit my lungs. I saw no more, as deep gold flames billowed through the forecourt, enveloping cars and customers. There was no bang, just bright silence sucking in all the noise around us except Lou whispering ‘Oh, no!’ as she put a hand to her mouth. Al looked in his mirror agog. The flames blossomed, quickly forming a black bubble of ink in the blue summer sky.
    ‘ Fuck off!’
    Al was in full PlayStation mode now, weaving fast through the hulks of cars and people and the sprays of shattering glass. I turned to Al, deciding that now was a good time to tell him about the fat woman I’d seen getting crushed by the girl in the white Golf,