Breaking Stalin's Nose by Eugene Yelchin Read Free Book Online Page A

keyhole, I watch them marching up to the principal’s office. I notice that one guard is missing. I bet he’s guarding the front
door. There’s a second exit through the gym; as soon as they are out of sight, I’ll sneak in there, and then it’s good-bye.
    Just then, a nasal voice says behind my back, “For some people, four walls are three too many. One wall’s enough for a firing squad.”
    I turn around slowly. By the window hangs a cloud of tobacco smoke so thick, I can’t see who is talking. Behind the smoke, a chair creaks, and the same voice says, “Do you follow me, Zaichik?”
    The smoke drifts away, and now I see who’s sitting in that chair— Comrade Stalin’s plaster nose , and it’s smoking a pipe!
    â€œDid we arrest your father?” it says. “Yes, we did. Did you report his criminal activities? No, you didn’t. Careless, comrade. Complacent. And naive.”
    I cough and cover my mouth. The biology lab is small and filling up with smoke fast.
    â€œWhat is your duty and privilege as a Communist youth?” says Stalin’s nose. It doesn’t wait for
my answer. “Renounce your father, an enemy of the people, and join the Pioneers in the march toward Communism. A simple procedure.” The nose blows more smoke and rubs its boots together. “Repeat after me. ‘I, Sasha Zaichik, renounce my father as an agent of foreign powers and hereby sever all my relations with him. From now on my real father is our beloved Leader and Teacher, Comrade Stalin, and the Young Soviet Pioneers are my family.’”
    Carefully, I step back to the door, keeping my eyes on the nose, and pull on the door handle. The door won’t budge. It’s locked. The nose stares at me, waiting for me to repeat after it.
    â€œWhat is my father guilty of?” I say.
    â€œWe are, at this very moment, in the process of interrogating him. He’s about to confess.”
    â€œMy dad is innocent. There’s nothing to confess!”
    â€œEverybody confesses in Lubyanka. We know how to make people talk.”
    Stalin’s nose looks at the pipe and says, “Which reminds me of an incident. Once, I received a delegation of workers from the provinces. When they left, I looked for my pipe but did not see it. I called the chairman of the State Security. ‘Nikolai Ivanych, my pipe disappeared after the visit of the workers.’ ‘Yes, Comrade Stalin, I’ll immediately take the proper measures.’ Ten minutes later, I pulled out a drawer in my desk and saw my pipe. I dialed the State Security again. ‘Nikolai Ivanych, my pipe’s been found.’ ‘What a shame,’ he said. ‘All of the workers have already confessed.’”

    Stalin’s nose slaps its knee and laughs, but it’s not really a laugh. It’s shaking all over and smoke pumps out the nostrils. It’s horrible. “Join the Pioneers, Zaichik, and forget about your father. It’s not like you’ll ever see him again.”

26
    â€œTHERE’S NO PLACE for the likes of you in our class,” Nina Petrovna says. “Go sit in the back and don’t stick your spy nose into anything. Is that clear?”
    I’m trying to stop shivering, but the classroom is freezing and I’m soaked through. When Agafia, the cleaning woman, found me in the biology lab, I had passed out. She doused me with icy water to wake me up. Of course I kept quiet about Stalin’s nose. I don’t want them to think I’m crazy, on top of everything else.
    â€œWhen you hear the song ‘A Bright Future Is
Open to Us,’” says Nina Petrovna , “you begin marching. The drums and the bugles march in first, then the children who will be joining. Remember, class, our great Leader and Teacher is always watching us from the Kremlin. Make him proud. Ready? One, two, three …”
    They bugle, drum, and march around Nina