Butterfly by Elle Harper Read Free Book Online Page B

look for a chair I can use that’s not too close
to her. I settle for one a little way in front of the counter, put
my tools and stuff on the floor, and lean back.
    ‘I served coffee when I was
studying for my counselling and psychology degrees.’ It’s not a
total lie. ‘The place wasn’t as nice as this, but it won’t take me
long to pick it up.’ I glance at the coffee machines. ‘I’m a quick
learner.’
    ‘Where did you study?’
    ‘Overseas. Australia.’ Now that
is a big, fucking whopper, but if she knew I’d got Open University
distance learning degrees when I was inside, she’d never see me
again. I feel guilty as hell about the crap spewing from my
mouth.
    ‘I bet that was really nice. All
that sunshine and lovely scenery.’
    ‘And surfing.’
    ‘And koalas’
    ‘And didgeridoos.’ I grin.
    For some reason, she finds that
funny, and her velvety laugh washes over me. I want to hear more of
it. Want to make her laugh and smile more. That smile, when it
happens, is so startling I could lose myself in it forever.
    ‘Are you from Cambridge?’ she
asks.
    ‘No. London, originally. After I
graduated, I got a volunteer counselling job here in Cambridge and
then some part time work.’ I don’t want to blow this, so I say,
‘I’ve got an interview for a full time counselling job in a few
weeks. How about I just help you out until I find out what happens
with that?’
    ‘Didn’t you say you teach
women’s self-defence, too?’
    ‘Yeah. It’s volunteer work. I do
one class in the evenings, and one on a Sunday, so it won’t
interfere with this.’ I don’t tell her it’s part of my parole
license, and I have to do a certain amount of volunteer work. But
even if it wasn’t a requirement, I’d still be doing it. Everything
I learnt as an MMA fighter can help these women. ‘But Saturday
mornings I do youth counselling for young offenders. And the grief
counselling I do is one evening a week and one Tuesday morning, so
that shouldn’t interfere too much.’
    ‘Can…can anyone come along to
the self-defence classes?’
    I nod and smile. ‘As long as
you’re a woman.’ Which sounds really creepy under the
circumstances, so I add, ‘You know, seeing as it’s a class for
women.’
    ‘OK.’ Her voice is so soft, I’m
not sure she’s actually spoken.
    ‘OK?’
    ‘Yes. Lisa’s leaving for
maternity leave. Can you come in tomorrow at eight, and we can show
you the ropes before she goes?’
    I light up inside. It’s only a
job in a coffee shop, but it’s as if I’ve just landed the best job
in the world.

11
     
    GRACE

    The words are out of my mouth
before I can stop them. I can’t take them back now, and besides, it
would’ve looked really rude and ungrateful not to give him the job
after all he’s done for me today. It’s only for a few weeks.
    But can I do this? Can I work
with a man? He’s easy to talk to, and the more I learn about him,
the more I believe he must be a good guy. You wouldn’t volunteer to
teach self-defence or become a counsellor otherwise, would you?
    It didn’t escape my attention
that he didn’t ask questions about the panic attack, and he didn’t
crowd me, which gives me a good feeling. A safe feeling. Maybe I
can do this.
    It’s been quiet in the shop
today, so I pack up quite a few leftovers and take them to the
homeless shelter. As I drive, I think about Ben and wonder whether
he can help me.
    When I get back home, I heat up
a can of chicken soup from the cupboard and eat it at the kitchen
table. I really should go food shopping, but I don’t like crowds
anymore. He could be in amongst them, and I’d never know
until it’s too late. Instead of going to the big supermarket, I
usually go to the small shop at the end of the road, but the choice
is limited. Anyway, it’s not as if I have an appetite anymore, so
it doesn’t really matter.
    It’s not until I’m in the bath
that I realize I’ve only checked the locks five times instead of
ten, and