By Degrees by Elle Casey Read Free Book Online

show them exactly how and why we are going to do this.   I take a deep breath and settle myself as much as possible, preparing my mind and my heart for what I’m about to say, preparing my soul for the ghosts I’m going to temporarily resurrect.   I give these strangers everything I have, reaching down into the darkness and pulling out the piece of me that only sees the light of day once in the presence of strangers I will be working with: when I need them to know why I’m so dedicated to this task and how far I’ll go to succeed at it.
    “Many years ago, I was in love with a musician.   Maybe some of you knew him.   His name was Austin Betzer.”   I pause and see the shock on their faces as I continue.   “We grew up together.   We were in love for a long time, since we were in junior high, thirteen years old.   I was with him when he picked up his first guitar at fourteen.   I went to every show he played, from the garage parties to the arenas. I stood by his side for everything, from his rocket ship ride to superstardom to his descent into madness. I watched him slowly lose track of who he was, where he came from, and what he was all about.” Everyone in the room remains silent, many of them obviously shocked.
    “First his relationships suffered.   Then the music did, too. And then there was nothing left for him.   He couldn’t stop the downward spiral and I didn’t step in and do it for him.   No one did.   I let him go, and in doing so, I had a hand in his death.   I’ll never ever forgive myself for that.   But what I can try to do is make sure it doesn’t happen to another great musician like him ever again.”
    I look around at their expressions, seeing tears from several.   I take a deep breath and give it my last bit of emotional strength.   “I will fight for Tarin with everything I have, and I will personally kick the ever-loving shit out of anyone who gets in my way.   But I can’t do this huge thing myself.   I need your help.   Tarin needs your help.   Please tell me now if you’re in or if you’re out.”
    The room is dead silent for about five seconds.   And then the bassist speaks up.   “I am so fucking in right now, you have no idea.   Austin was my idol, man.   I fucking died a little that night with him, you know?”   He wiped a tear out of his eye.   “Fuck, that was awful watching him go.   We lost a fucking rock icon that night.”
    I nod, not trusting myself to speak.   He’s absolutely right, but what he doesn’t know is that the world lost a gentle, loving soul that night too.   There will only ever be one Austin Betzer.
    “I’m in too,” says the driver, his voice rough with emotion.   “All the way.   You just tell me what you want me to do.   I didn’t know Austin, but Tarin is my friend.   One of my best friends.   I’d do anything to help him find his way back.”
    “Us too,” says one of the bodyguards, pointing to his colleague.   “You won’t have to kick anyone’s ass.   We’ll do it for you.”
    My hearts soars with hope, but I just nod without smiling.
    “Damn, Austin Betzer?   You’re his girl?   I heard about you but never saw a picture.”   The band’s manager walks up and holds his hand out.   “Whatever you need, I’m in.”
    I shake it firmly, looking around at the rest of them.
    The drummer takes a huge breath and lets it all out at once.   Then he looks up. “I guess this is where I say, ‘My name’s Dave and I’m a drug addict,’ or whatever.”
    I smile.   “No need.   Just tell me you’re in and I’ll see what I can do to get you whatever help you want.”
    He nods.   “Fine.   I’m in.   I don’t know about committing to anything else, but I can commit to Tarin.   He’s my best friend.”
    Stick is the last man standing.   He’s conflicted, that’s clear.   I can almost see the battle going on in his head.   Everyone in the room is uncomfortable except me.   I wait for his